


Countdown

by yuri_katsukink



Category: Castiel - Fandom, Dean Winchester - Fandom, Supernatural, destiel - Fandom
Genre: Abuse, Choices, Drama, Language, Love, M/M, Minor Violence, Romance, Soulmates, Trauma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-29
Updated: 2013-07-08
Packaged: 2017-12-13 07:21:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 16
Words: 30,755
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/821557
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yuri_katsukink/pseuds/yuri_katsukink
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Roché Industries produces watches that help people all over the world find their soulmates. But when Dean's watch hits zero, something goes wrong. Based loosely off of the movie TiMER.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Even though the story is based loosely off the movie TiMER, there aren't any parallels between this story and the other besides the idea of the watch, which countdowns to the moment you meet your soulmate. You can also find this story on FF.

**Prologue**

The moon is glistening through the window as the skies darkened to a deeper shade of purple. The night air is silent, leaving an almost deafening noise if it wasn’t for the occasional branches of the trees, scratching at the windows.

Inside the room, the silence is broken by shuddering whimpers. There is a boy sitting up straight, cross legged, on a bed. He has dark brown hair and eyes. His face is flushed from crying, eyes red and puffy as well. His bangs are sticking on his face from the sticky, wet tears. His sobs are cut short when the door creaks open. He looks at the door, blinking back tears.

Another boy had entered the room. He has dirty blond hair and hazel green eyes. He has freckles covering his face and a concerned smile plastered on his face as he carries a tray in his hands. He tilts his head a little as he watches the boy before he shakes his head slowly.

“Just as I expected,” he mumbles, setting the tray on the bedside table. He sits at the edge of the bed, running a hand through the other’s hair. “Does it hurt?” he asks.

The other bites his lower lip before he shakes his head fervently.

The blonde-headed boy laughs. “Sammy, you don’t need to pretend. I know how it feels. I’ve been through it myself,” he explains.

Sam had been looking away from his brother before he turns his attention back to him. “Dean... Did you cry too?” he asks.

“What? No, crying is for wu-- I mean, of course,” he answers. “Come on, lemme see it, Sam.” He reaches his hand out to the other, expecting Sam to give him his hand.

Sam hesitates, looking at Dean for a moment as if seeing if he’d try anything. When nothing happened and Dean looks at him expectantly, Sam sighs and gives him his arm. Dean smiles faintly before he turns his brother’s hand around, exposing his wrist. On Sam’s wrist, there was a straight line running through his wrist. A scar was forming on the red cut.  

Dean analyzes the cut before he releases Sam’s arm. He turns his attention back to the bedside table, grabbing the bowl sitting on the tray. He faces Sam once more, who seems to be shaking his head and retreating from him in fear.

“Dean, no! I’m fine, really. I-I don’t -”

“Come on, Sam. I don’t want it to get infected,” Dean replies.

Sam sighs before he gives Dean his arm once more. Dean grabs his arm, facing his wrist up. Dean damps the cloth in the warm water before rinsing it. He looks at Sam before he dabs Sam’s wound, causing the other to retreat his hand from the other.

“Sorry,” Dean answers, meeting his brother’s gaze.

Sam shakes his head before he returns his hand to the other.

Dean huffs silently as he pats Sam’s wound gently. Sam bites his lower lip, trying to keep himself from jumping backwards again.

“You know,” Dean begins, still cleaning Sam’s wound, “it may hurt like hell right now, but the pain - this pain you’re feeling, it is worth it. Sammy, I mean it. You’re going to find your soulmate.”

Upon hearing his brother’s words, Sam looks at his brother, a small, childish smile forms on his lips.

“There’s the smile I’ve been looking for!” Dean exclaims, chuckling lightly.

Sam’s grin widens, and he laughs with Dean. Dean wraps an arm around his brother, holding him closer.

Suddenly, their chuckling was interrupted by a beeping sound. Dean’s eyes widened as he looks down at his brother’s wrist.

“Sam! Sammy, look!” he replies.

Sam, with excitement, looks down at his wrist, seeing the scar transform. He gasps in amazement when the scar widens and is replaced by a digital watch. The screen of the watch is the color of a mirror, transparent almost. The watch reads: 11:12:12:10. Another gasp is uttered from Sam as he grins happily.

Dean reads the numbers, seeing the numbers countdown. “Well,” he says, after a brief pause, “in eleven years, you’re going to meet the love of your life.”

Dean looks at his own wrist, seeing his own countdown: 15:96:11:16

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter One**

**Fifteen Years Later**

A black car pulls to a stop in front of a small white house. A speckled blonde kills the ignition. He sighs silently, shaking his head lightly. He was in no mood to be out today, but his brother had insisted, even begged, him to come. He looks in the sun visor, seeing his emerald eyes through the mirror. His eyes looked tired, almost sad. He groans after seeing himself, opening the car door and slamming it shut.

The white door from the small house opens and out comes a brunette with brown eyes. Upon seeing his brother, a huge, goofy grin forms on his face. He opens his arms as he comes in contact with the other, embracing him.

“Dean, how have you been?” he asks, looking over at his brother.

Dean smiles at Sam faintly before he shakes his head. “Well, you know how it is at the company,” he murmurs, running a hand through his hair.

Sam’s smile wavers as he stares at Dean. “Relax, things will get better soon,” he says, trying to console his brother.

“Gee, thanks,” Dean mutters.

Before Sam could answer, a woman with light blonde hair comes out of the house. She grins as she notices Dean. She approaches the other, stopping before him. She has her hands crossed.

“Well, are you going to hug me or not?” Dean asks.

“Depends,” she says jokingly.

“On what?”

“If I remember correctly, last time I hugged you, you copped a feel,” she replies.

Sam’s eyes widen as he looks at his brother. “You what?”

“What? I don’t -”

“I’m joking, you big idiot,” she says before she wraps an arm around Dean, hugging him.

“How have you been, Jess?” he asks. “I hope Sam hasn’t been boring you with his studies.”

Jess laughs before she shakes her head. “He hasn’t...yet -”

“Hey!” Sam chimes in, wrapping an arm around Jess’s waist.

Jess laughs, pecking Sam’s cheek. “But I’m fine. We actually have an announcement,” she says.

“Jess,” Sam warns.

Dean’s expression falters upon hearing Jess. He quirks a brow, turning to Sam for answers. “Announcement?” he repeats. “What do you mean?”

“Dean, go in there, celebrate, and have a good time. We’ll make the announcement during the party,” Sam replies.

Dean represses the urge to roll his eyes at his brother, but he does glare at him. He pushes past Sam, making his way inside the house. No one was inside, so Dean guessed everyone was back yard. Dean slides open the door, hearing the chatters.

“Dean, boy, come over here, ya idjit!” exclaims a voice.

Dean haunches over as he hears the man’s voice. His eyes flicker towards the voice and he smiles. “Bobby,” he says, approaching the man.

“Don’t Bobby me. Not one phone call, boy? Not one single call? I’m damn worried about you, son,” he scolds.

Dean nods slowly. “I’m sorry, Bobby. It’s just...I’m busy. You know how it is at the company. It’s much more busy now that winter’s coming,” he explains.

Bobby sighs. “That’s not what I’m worried about. Dean, no one’s seen you in weeks. Weeks! What have you been doing? We’re all sick and worried about you,” he explains.

“You don’t have to be worried about me, Bobby. I’m fine, really,” he answers.

Bobby shakes his head, deciding to drop the matter. He slaps the back of Dean’s head as if telling him the discussion wasn’t over. “You better start calling, or I swear -”

“I got it, I got it, Bobby,” Dean interrupts.

“Dean?” a voice interrupts.

Dean turns to face the voice, receiving a smack across the face. He winces as he rubs at the red printed stains on his face. “Nice seeing you too, Ellen,” he murmurs.

“Not one phone call -”

“Ellen, we already had this conversation,” Bobby chimes in.

Ellen glares at Dean before shaking her head. She points at him menacingly. “Call sometime, Dean.”

After thirty minutes of slaps and accusations, Dean’s had about enough. He was beyond pissed and had drained another beer bottle. He gets up to leave when he sees Sam ask for everyone to be quiet. The crowd goes silent, watching as Sam pulls Jess next to him, wrapping an arm around her waist.

“You’re all probably wondering why I asked you all to come today,” he began, looking around the crowd before continuing. “Well, Jess and I would like you all to know that...”

“I’m pregnant!” she exclaims.

A cheer of uproar bursts through the crowd, congratulating the two. Dean sat back in his seat, unbelieving what he had just heard. His expression falters while his chest aches in pain. He breathes for a moment before he rises once more from his seat.

He walks towards his brother and hugs him saying, “Congrats, Sam.”

Before Sam could reply, he noticed Dean’s expression. His face softened and was replaced with that of concern. “Dean...are you alright?” he asks.

Dean looks at Sam before shaking his head. “I should go home. I have some paperwork to finish,” he answers.

Sam furrows his brows as he looks at Dean. Before he could protest, Dean was already walking off the property. Dean slips inside his Impala, driving off.

****

Dean closes the door to his condo, resting against it for a moment. He sighs silently, shaking his head. He nearly stumbled over his briefcase. He glares at it before he picks it up and throws it across the room, yelling angrily. When that wasn’t enough, he punches the wall repeatedly until he feels a crunching sound. He curses angrily before he pulls away, seeing blood forming on his knuckles.

He walks towards the kitchen, wrapping his hand around with a towel. Dean slumps lazily on the couch, adding pressure on his hand. His heart was racing from adrenaline. Even though his hand ached in pain, Dean felt numb.

He thinks of the events from earlier, a small smile forming. He was glad that Sam was going to be a father. He was glad he had someone to go home to after work. Dean bites his bottom lip before he pays attention to his arm. He slowly twists his bleeding hand, seeing the watch. The watch read: 0:12:2:7. He sighs silently, almost as if he had been afraid to see what it would say. Twelve more days, he repeated over and over again.

Dean closes his eyes, drifting off to sleep. He found himself dreaming that long, forgotten memory he had always tried to repress. But it all came flooding back to him now. It was ten years ago. Ten years ago, he thought his soul mate had died. Dean was eighteen at the time when his watch had flashed glaringly red. He was frightened. He knew what it meant, but he had refused to believe it.

He had looked at his wrist at the end of the day, watch still red. He came home, asking Bobby about it. But Bobby had stared at him with an apologetic expression. He shook his head. “I’m so sorry, Dean,” he whispered somberly.

For two weeks, Dean’s wrist was still flashing red. Bobby and Ellen had tried to convince him to get the chip removed, but Dean heavily refused. He was in denial. He didn’t want to believe his mate was dead. He had shut down. And just when Dean was ready to give up, his watch flashed blue. The numbers on his wrist had decreased by eighty days.

Dean jerks awake, feeling his cheeks wet. He grazes them slightly, rubbing away his tears. Twelve days, twelve more days, he repeated over and over again.

****

Today was the day. Dean’s emotional state was utter chaos. He paces his room impatiently. He hears the door creak open, and he nearly jumps. Sam came inside, smiling.

“Here’s the princess,” he teases.

“Shut up, Sam. You were far worse than I was when it was your day!” Dean snaps back, glaring at his brother. “Need I remind you who was the one that led you to the correct soulmate? You almost married Ruby!”

Sam feels his cheeks flush in embarrassment, and he turns away. “Never tell Jess,” he mumbles.

“I didn’t then, why would I do it now?” he asks.

Sam shrugs before he looks back at Dean. “Nervous?” he asks, crossing his arms.

“Nervous is...an understatement,” Dean replies. “I mean, what if they’re not there? What if it hits zero, and I’m looking at the wall!”

Sam chuckles before he opens his mouth.

“Damn it, Sam. If you say I should marry the wall, I’m going to kill you,” Dean warns.

Sam clamps his mouth shut once more, laughing. He raises both his hands in the air. “Dean, relax. I thought this as well. I thought of the worst possible things that could go wrong, and guess what? None of them happened. What’s going to happen is that you’re going to bump into the love of your life,” he explains.

“You’re the cheesiest person I’ve ever met, Sam,” Dean replies.

“Shut up, jerk,” Sam snaps back.

“Bitch,” Dean answers, a small smile forming on his lips.

“Do you want me to come with you?” Sam asks.

Dean shakes his head. “No, I think...I’ll make the right choice. I mean, I’m not the one that nearly called Ruby her soul mate,” Dean answers.

“Dean, I mean it, you ever mention Ruby to Jess, and I’m -”

“I got it, I got it,” Dean mumbles, waving his hand dismissively. “You’ll kill me, my kids, and my grandchildren.” Dean slips on his leather jacket, heading for the door.

“Dean!” Sam says, calling for him.

Dean halts, staring at his brother. “What is it now, Sam?” he asks.

“I hope you’ll be happy with...whoever your soulmate winds up being,” Sam answers.

Dean genuinely smiles. “You’re such a bitch.”

“Jerk!” Sam shouts before Dean closes the door.

Dean avoided going to the Soulmate Fountain, knowing there’d be a swarm of people there. He didn’t understand it. If you all met in a general place, then you’re bound to meet the wrong person. The watch guaranteed the day you’d see your soulmate, but it didn’t guarantee you’d meet them. The watch also didn’t have a beeping mechanism that’d tell you if the person, the watch hit zero with, was your soulmate, which is why it was a ninety-five percent guarantee.

Dean literally shakes his head, knowing the thoughts were going to cause him to be more nervous than he was. He hated this feeling. He hadn’t felt like this since... He shakes his head once more, breathing deeply. He looks down at his wrist, seeing there was less than five minutes.

Shit! He really shouldn’t have looked. Now, his mind was spinning with so many thoughts, all of which troubled him. He begins to speed walk before he starts to run. Time was running out. What if he did meet a wall? What if his soulmate is married? What if his soulmate was old? What if his soulmate was cruel to him? Wait! Why would it be his soulmate then? He didn’t want a cruel soulmate. What if his soulmate was Ruby? A shudder ran down his spine as the thoughts hit Dean.

Dean turns a corner when he sees a wall and only a minute on his watch. He’s met with a box and he comes crashing onto the ground. He rubs his head, glaring angrily before he notices the woman. She has dark hair and fair eyes. The box she was carrying clutters on the ground.

“I’m sorry! I wasn’t looking,” she exclaims, rushing to pick Dean up.

She reaches her arm to Dean, offering for him to take it. Dean notices her wrist, seeing the watch glow green before it disappears. He looks up at her, smiling. He takes her hand, standing. “Your watch...”

The woman quirks a brow before she looks down at her wrist. She notices the watch was gone and looks up at Dean. “You’re my -?”

Before Dean could check his own wrist, someone had tapped his shoulder. He turns his attention to the stranger. Green flashed with blue as the two eyes met.

“You dropped this,” the man mutters gruffly, extending his hand. “I felt compelled to give it to you since...”

Dean had been looking at the stranger’s hand, seeing his necklace, unaware the man had trailed off. Dean looks down at himself, finding his necklace gone. He meets the stranger’s gaze before he sees the stranger looking down at his hand. Dean quirks a brow and looks to see what the man was looking at.

Dean’s eyes widen in surprise as the stranger’s watch disappeared. The man looks at Dean, trying to look at his wrist. Dean remembers and looks at his own wrist. But that did nothing. The watch was already gone. He stares at the woman before he turns to the stranger. Who was it that his watch disappeared on?

“Shit,” Dean cursed.

 


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter Two**

**Roché Industries**

“So...” a man says, voice trailing off. He seems a bit lost, eyes glazing over as he ponders for a few moments. He has blonde hair and blue eyes. “Okay, let me get this straight, your watches counted down and both of you were looking at him?” he summarizes, pointing at Dean.

Lisa and Castiel both manage a stiff nod. They were both sitting beside Dean.

“But I’m pretty sure I was looking at Lisa when my watch hit zero,” Dean blurts out.

The other three stare at Dean, forcing him to avert his gaze from them.

“Pretty sure isn’t going to cut it, Dean,” the man says. “Did you see your watch hit zero when you looked at Lisa?” he questions.

“Well, no, but -”

“Shut it, I’m still talking,” the man interrupts. “Dean, I don’t know how to handle this. It’s rarely happened before, but it has happened. And our product is only a ninety-five percent guarantee -”

“Well maybe if you had a radar that tells you who exactly your soulmate is -”

“Shut it, git,” the man snaps back. “Our company doesn’t guarantee anything. You knew what you were signing up for when you signed your name,” he explains. The man sighs, rubbing his rubbing index finger and middle finger against his temple. He looks over at Castiel and looks at him apologetically, as if he had wronged him.

Castiel just stares at him silently, never taking his eyes off of him.

“So, what now?” Lisa asks, after a moment of silence.

The man turns his attention to Lisa. He takes a seat behind his desk. “Well, the only thing we can do is do a trial. Since you and Castiel are both claiming that you both looked at Dean when your watches counted to zero, and Dean doesn’t know who he looked at, then it’ll be up to him to decide.”

“I think it’s been decided. Li-”

“Not so fast there,” the man says, glaring at Dean. “I believe I mentioned a trial. You will run a sixty day trial with both Castiel and Lisa. By the end of those sixty days, you will have to decide who you want to spend the rest of your life with.”

“What? That won’t be necessary,” Dean insists, shaking his head.

“Ah, did I forget to mention?” the man replies. “This is a mandatory trial. This has happened in the past, believe me, and the best thing to do is a trial. So you don’t really have much of a choice.”

Dean nods silently as he cast a glance at Lisa and then at Castiel.

“I really don’t think this is necessary though. He didn’t mean to even look at me. If I hadn’t dropped -”

“Enough!” the man exclaims angrily, banging his hands against the table. “This trial is happening whether you like it or not. Now, listen -”

“Balthazar, stop,” Castiel said gruffly.

Balthazar clamps his mouth shut and turns to stare at Castiel.

“I don’t understand how I should feel by you enforcing this so heavily, but please stop it,” he explains.

“Cas...”

Dean was looking to and fro at the two, puzzled. He quirks a brow as he asks, “Wait, do you two know each other?”

Castiel meets Dean’s gaze before he nods slowly. “Balthazar’s my cousin.”

Dean had looked away from Castiel the moment their eyes met. There was something in the other’s gaze that made him...uncomfortable. But upon hearing his response, Dean realizes what was going on. “Wait, you’re thrusting your cousin to me. Ahhh, I get it,” he mumbles, shaking his head. “I mean, the only reason you’re making this trial mandatory is because he’s -”

That was the final hit he was willing to receive. Castiel shot up from his seat, practically making the three jump. “Stop,” he says, raising his voice. “Balthazar, it’s clear that we all don’t want this trial, but you’re so stubborn. The past is the past. Just leave it like that,” he demands. “And I saw him by mistake. I don’t care if he was my soulmate or not. I’m tired of this. It’s all just a load of crap.”

Dean had been staring up at Castiel as he talked. His eyes had a new level of intensity in them and the tone in his voice was dangerous. He followed the other with his eyes as Castiel walks out of the office, slamming the door shut behind him.

After a few moments, Dean turns to face Balthazar and is greeted with a sour and bitter atmosphere.

“Lisa,” he says, turning to address her, “can you be a dear and leave? I need to talk to...Mr. Winchester about his undesirable situation.”

Lisa didn’t need to be told twice. She rose from her seat and left the room, leaving the two alone.

“What now?” Dean groans, running a hand through his hair.

“You do realize you can get a heavy fine for breaking company rules, right?” Balthazar replies. “This contract you signed with us will be the end of you, Mr. Winchester. Yes, you get a soulmate, but if you don’t follow company procedures, things can get difficult for you.”

“Are you blackmailing me to date your cousin?” he asks.

“No, I’m not. I am merely stating the facts. Tell me, Dean, if Castiel was a woman, would you be so heavily against being with him as you are now?” Balthazar questions, rising from his seat. “Or are you just against it because you go by seeing the first thing you see?”

Dean stares at Balthazar for a few minutes before he sighs, head low.

Balthazar looks at Dean in disgust, shaking his head angrily. “You know, Castiel has been through enough already. I thought I would be helping him by implanting that chip in him. And you just had to be the one he looks at,” he replies, almost to himself than Dean. “Just great.”

“Well?” Balthazar snaps, looking at Dean. “Which of my questions was it that you refuse to give him a chance?”

But Dean refuses to open his mouth. He sits there, staring at the other.

“God! You’re a utter buffoon!” Balthazar shouts. “Dean, this industry was founded by my grandfather. He wanted everyone to find someone special. Someone they can trust and love and care for. A soulmate is not someone you can categorize as a man or a woman. A soulmate is not categorized for the opposite sexes. It is interchangeable. You can be a bloody man and your soulmate can also be a man. You can have a soulmate and not have a physical or romantic relationship with.”

“Then why do most soulmates get married?” Dean snaps back.

“Why not?” Balthazar counters. “If you have found someone whom you have an affinity for, then why not marry them?”

Dean meets the other’s eyes, seeing the sharpness in his eyes. His eyes were almost like Castiel’s, but bearable. He turns away from him, biting his lower lip.

“I still expect you to follow through with the trial, Dean.”

Dean faces him once more, mouth agape. “You heard what he -”

“I did. But I can tell when my cousin is saying a load of crap,” he replies. “Sixty days, Dean. Can’t you at least try? Anyways, if you don’t, you know what’ll happen.”

“How will you even know?” Dean answers, rolling his eyes.

“Everyday, you will tell me five things about my cousin, and I will know if you are lying to me,” he says.

“Everyday?” Dean exclaims. “Is that really necessary?”

“That’s the point of a sixty day trial, Dean,” he murmurs. “Your trial will start tomorrow. You should receive a couple of things in the morning.”

Dean groans in frustration. When he returns home, he was going to murder Sam for hexing him.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter Three**

**Five Things**

The Impala slows to a stop and the engine dies instantly. Dean groans silently as he stares out the window, watching the house in front of him. This was the place, right? He runs a hand through his hair, looking down at a piece of paper. Yep, this was it. Dean scans the house once more. The house was pale, looking like it needs to be repainted soon. The windows were covered, so he couldn’t see the inside of the house.

After a few minutes of internal conflicting, Dean gets out of the car and makes his way towards the house. He hesitates as he nears the place. He turns around before he groans in frustration, turning around once more and approaching the house. He looks at the black door, studying the ancient carvings on it. Finally, Dean raises his hand and knocks on the door.

When nothing happens, Dean thinks that he wasn’t heard and raises his arm to knock once more. But as he did so, the door opens abruptly, making him take a few steps back.

“Gabriel, I told you you were going to forget your -”

Castiel clamps his mouth shut when he notices that it was Dean. He stares at the other, an eyebrow quirked. “D-Dean,” he mumbles, clearly surprised. “What are you doing here?”

Dean was confused when Castiel addressed him as Gabriel. “Who’s Gabriel?” he asks, looking at Castiel as if he had done something wrong. By the way Castiel had his tie undone and hair dishevelled, Dean figures who Gabriel was. “Wow, you moved on quickly.”

Castiel crosses his arms angrily, scoffing. He glares at the other. “If you’re implying what I think you’re implying, then you could never be more wrong,” he snaps back. “Gabriel is my half-brother.”

Dean bites his bottom lip, shaking his head. “Sorry,” he mumbles.

“What are you doing here, Dean?” Castiel questions, clearly angry.

Dean raises both his hands in the air as if surrendering. “I’m here for the trial -”

“Is that so?” Castiel replies. “You didn’t seem too keen on it yesterday. Oh, god. Balthazar. Did he put you up to this? He threatened you, didn’t he?”

Well, at least he caught on quickly. “Yes, yes, he did,” he answers.

Castiel shakes his head, uncrossing his arm angrily as he let them drop. “Unbelievable. I told him no. He still thinks - God. Dean, go home. Go,” Castiel says. He closes the door as he says, “I’ll talk to him -”

Dean forces the door to remain open, receiving a questingly expression from Castiel. “Whoa, there, trying to get rid of me already?” Dean replies. “That usually happens on the second date.”

Castiel quirks a brow, clearly confused. He tilts his head at him. “I don’t understand. I’m giving you what you wanted. And that’s Lisa.”

Dean would be lying if he said he wasn’t surprised by the other’s response. He stares at Castiel, seeing the sincerity in them. “Listen, I know we got off on the wrong foot, but I genuinely want to get to know you -”

“He’s going to quiz you on me, isn’t it?” he interrupts.

Damn, he was fast. He sighs before he runs a hand through his hair. “Yeah. He wants me to know at least five things about you.”

Castiel glances up and curses as if condemning the sky. He looks down at the ground at last, an arm rubbing circles on the wrist that once had his watch.

Dean just stares at the other, unsure whether he should say anything. Well, this was awkward, he thought. He bites his bottom lip, watching the other as he rubs his wrist.

“My name is Castiel Novak. As you know, I have a brother named Gabriel. My favorite color is green, and I prefer cats over dogs. My favorite thing to eat are hamburgers. And I like reading in my spare time,” Castiel says quickly. “Five things. There.” He closes the door once more.

Dean was taken aback when he hears the other firing away random things about him. When Castiel tries to close the door again, Dean forces it open once more.

Castiel rolls his eyes angrily, glaring at Dean. “What now?” he groans. “I’ve given you all that you need to not get in trouble.”

“Well, I really did mean it when I said that I wanted to get to know you -”

“Bull shit,” he interrupts, leaning against the frame.

“Stop being difficult!”

“Me? I’m being difficult? You’re the one that said you weren’t interested in me. And you’re calling me difficult? Dean...just go away,” he answers bitterly. “Go with Lisa or something.”

“Well, I’m an idiot! Okay? I am. I’m sorry!” he snaps back desperately. “Is that what you wanted to hear me say? It’s bad enough to say it to Sammy.” Dean had explained his situation with Sam yesterday. But instead of Sam agreeing with him, he turned on Dean and lashed out at his brother, calling him an idiot and an asshole.

Castiel was staring at the other, trying to look for any sign of dishonesty. When he found none, he sighs, uncrossing his arms. “Dean, I think...we both need time to...calm ourselves down.”

“Cas, I’m just... I am sorry. I was being a jerk and I didn’t even consider your feelings when I said that,” he mumbles weakly, unsure how to make amends with people.

Castiel furrows his brows. “Cas?” he questions, looking at the other.

“Well, yeah, Castiel is hard to pronounce. I don’t want to mispronounce it since I know I’ll get tongue twisted if I do,” Dean whispers, talking slowly.

“Maybe you should get more practice then,” Castiel shot back.

Realizing what Castiel had meant, Dean bit his lip, eyes widening, as he looks away from the other, resisting the urge to gulp. When he finally returns his gaze at the other, Castiel has a smug expression. Dean licks his lips before he says, “I’m not allowed to call you Cas, aren’t I?”

“Not to strangers,” Castiel answers.

Dean nods his head in understanding before a small smile formed on his lips. “Hi, my name is Dean Winchester. I'm an Aquarius; I enjoy sunsets, long walks on the beach, and frisky women.”

Castiel has his arms crossed as he listened to the other, still leaning against the door frame. “That was technically three, but since I didn’t really know your full name, I’ll pass it. There’s still one more you need to tell me.”

Dean looks at the other, smiling faintly before he says, “And I tend to be a closed minded idiot. But this closed minded idiot has a conscious, and realizes what he said to you yesterday was hurtful. And I am really sorry. But, Cas, I really did mean what I said. And I really don’t blame you if you were to slam that door in my face and tell me to fuck off.”

Castiel was listening to Dean silently as he watched the other, trying to find any hint of insincerity in his eyes. When Dean finished, Castiel nods his head, slamming the door in Dean’s face.

Dean blinks repeatedly as he stares at the door. That hurt more than he thought it would. He huffs silently. Well, he deserved it, he thought. He was the one that was acting like a jerk yesterday. Dean turns to go.

But soon enough, the door opens and out comes Castiel, coat in hand. Dean quirks a brow at him, puzzled. Before Dean could ask what Castiel was doing, he raises his finger at Dean.

“First things first, this is your only chance to change my mind. If you fail to impress me, then I will call Balthazar and force him to end the trial Also, don’t interrupt me or you’ll live to regret it. And finally, I’m driving.”

“What?” Dean questions, hearing the last demand.

“You heard me. I’m driving. Now give me your keys or we’re taking my car, which happens to be walking on our two feet,” Castiel shoots back.

Dean’s stunned at the other, quirking a brow in disbelief. You’re bossy, Dean thought. But nevertheless, he pulls out his keys. Before he gives the keys to him, he says, “If you so much as put a dent in her, I’m killing you.”

“Baby,” Castiel replies, snatching the keys from Dean’s hands with a smirk tugging on his lips.

He walks away and heads towards the car, leaving Dean stare at him in bewilderment. Well, he was something. Wait, did he just give him his Baby? Dean’s eyes widen in horror as he looks at his car.

  
  
  
  
  



	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter Four**

**Beautiful Disaster**

Castiel keeps shifting his gaze to and fro at Dean, wondering just where the other was taking them. Since Dean knows Castiel wasn’t going to let him drive, he gives the other direction, telling him where to turn and when.

Whenever Castiel turns left or right, Dean’s breath hitches. He worries that Castiel might accidentally hit the curb or crash into another car. He was an idiot to let him drive, but as they near their destination, Dean begins to relax. At last, Dean tells Castiel to slow down. Castiel quirks a brow at him before he does what Dean asks.

“Park right there, Cas,” Dean says, finding a vacant parking space.

Castiel quirks a brow at the other, still unused to the new name. He does what he’s told and parks the car. He kills the ignition. “So, what do you think?” he asks, a smirk forming on his lips.

“You’re lucky to be alive,” Dean shoots back, getting out of the car. Once outside, he inspects his car, looking for any dents or signs of mistreatment. When he’s content, Dean sighs in relief.

Castiel rolls his eyes at Dean as he watches him inspect his car. “Such a baby,” he answers, crossing his arms. “So, mind telling me where you’re taking me?”

Dean looks up at the other, meeting his gaze. Castiel’s gaze was still as intensifying as ever, which made Dean avert his gaze. He clears his throat. “If I tell you, it wouldn’t be much of a surprise, now would it?” Dean replies, a grin forming.

Castiel smiles at the other faintly. “Lead the way then,” he says.

Dean flashes the other a wink before he moves. They’re silent for a few moments, listening to the people passing by. The silence persists. The silence was pleasurable but at the same time unbearable.

“This way,” he mumbles, as they approach a corner.

Castiel has no idea where they are. He’s never been in this part of town in his life. He follows Dean closely, not wanting to get lost.

Dean slows down as he stands in line, receiving a confused glance from Castiel. He quirks a brow, unsure what was going on. “What’s with the look?” he asks.

“Umm, well, you gave me directions to a movie theater?” he questions skeptically.

“Cas, this isn’t just any movie theater. This is the theater I was taken to ever since I was a child. It’s a childhood momento to me,” Dean explains.

Castiel nods slowly before he gives up. He waits in line with Dean, looking at the lists of movies being shown. “So, what are we going to see?” he asks, after a moment.

“There’s the Hobbit,” he murmurs.

“They made the book into a movie?” Castiel questions, puzzled.

“Yeah,” Dean answers, but upon seeing Castiel’s confusion, he sighs. “You’ve never seen the trailer on TV?” Dean asks.

“I don’t have a TV. I don’t see the point,” Castiel replies.

“What do you do in your spare time?” he asks.

“I read, walk around, anything,” Castiel says, shrugging.

“Thank god you found me,” Dean says.

Castiel rolls his eyes at him, crossing his arms.

As the last couple get their tickets, Dean notices a man tape a sign on the glass. He reads the words: The Hobbit. And below that he reads: Tickets sold out. He represses the urge to groan as he turns to Castiel, who couldn’t help but smile.

“Don’t you dare,” Dean warns him, lifting a finger in the air at him.

“I didn’t say anything,” Castiel replies, biting his lower lip to keep himself from laughing.

Dean grabs Castiel’s arm and pulls him out of line. “Unbelievable,” he murmurs, shaking his head. “I really wanted to see that movie.”

“The book was good. Was the movie really that promising?” Castiel asks, realizing the other was still holding his arm.

“Of course. This is JRR Tolkien we’re talking about,” Dean replies. He realizes he was still holding the other’s arm and releases him. “Sorry,” he mumbles, feeling his temperature rise.

“Didn’t think you would be the type of fan,” Castiel answers.

“There’s a lot of things you don’t know about me, Cas,” Dean replies with a wink.

Castiel rolls his eyes, running a hand through his hair. “What now?” he asks.

“I guess I could drive you somewhere else,” Dean answers.

Castiel shrugs as he follows the other back to his car. Soon, they reach their destination, but Dean’s car is nowhere to be seen. Finally, Dean spots his car as it’s being pulled away by a tow truck. Dean’s eyes widen as he runs towards the truck. Apparently, Dean had asked Castiel to park in a tow zone. He had worried so much about his car that he didn’t notice the sign.

Bearing it no longer, Castiel bursts into a fit of laughter, clutching at his sides. He shakes his head slowly. He feels drops of water hit him, and he looks up at the sky, seeing the darkening skies. Right, when he checked online earlier, it said it was going to rain. Soon, it starts drizzling. He moves under a sun blocker canopy that was attached to a store. He watches from the distance as Dean stops pursuing the tow truck.

Castiel covers his mouth with his hand as Dean returns. Dean’s walking slowly, disappointment clearly showing through his features. He stares at Castiel, noticing he’s covering his mouth. He glares at the other before he gives up.

“Go ahead,” Dean whispers.

Castiel tries not to laugh even though he gave him permission, but seeing the other’s state forces a stifled laugh come. Castiel throws his head back, laughing like an idiot.

Dean had expected Castiel not to laugh, knowing it would be embarrassing for him. So he was a little surprised when he hears Castiel’s fit of laughter. As Dean hears the other laugh, he can’t help but smile. But as the laughter progresses, Dean starts to feel a little annoyed. “Okay, okay, you’ve had your laugh, now shut it,” Dean orders.

Castiel tries to force his laugh to an end, finding it a little bit difficult. Soon, his chucklings come to an end and Castiel’s clutching at his sides. He wipes his tears away, trying to clear his vision. “Sorry,” he finally manages, biting his lower lip because he’s still smiling.

Dean huffs before he shakes his head. “It’s fine,” he mumbles.

Castiel looks at the other, seeing him drenched from the rain. “Umm, we need to get you dried up,” he answers, opening the door from the store.

“Why are we going in there?” Dean asks.

“It’s a cafe,” Castiel says, slipping inside. Well, that’s what he had noticed.

Dean looks down at himself, seeing his clothes wet. He groans as he steps inside, closing the door behind him. He’s instantly greeted by a few people who stare at him in wonder. One of the employees looks at him in utter horror, as if thinking she was going to have to mop up his mess. Dean ignores their stares as he finds Castiel ordering.

“Thanks,” Castiel says, smiling. “What would you like?” he asks, turning to face the other.

“You’re ordering food?” Dean questions.

“What? I’m hungry,” Castiel answers, shrugging.

It was Dean’s turn to roll his eyes at Castiel. He sighs as he orders black coffee and a sandwich. Castiel pays for the food, receiving a glance from Dean.

“I could’ve paid for -”

“Don’t start,” Castiel warns.

Dean clamps his mouth shut, unable to contain a smile. He feels a tug on his sleeve and looks down to see Castiel pulling him away. Castiel leads him to the bathroom.

“Go and try to get yourself dry,” he murmurs.

Dean’s surprised for a moment before he nods.

When Dean comes out of the bathroom, he’s semi-dry. He searches for Castiel before he finds the raven haired man sitting near the corner. Dean joins him. Castiel passes Dean his coffee as he sips his own drink.

“Thanks,” Dean mumbles.

Castiel nods before he sets the coffee down. “All dry down there?” Castiel asks.

Dean’s heart races before he shoots the other a glare. “Shut up,” Dean replies.

Castiel chuckles lightly. “It’s still funny,” he answers.

“Why is it that with only you, I get bad things happening?” he mumbles. “First the movie, then my car, and now look at me!”

Castiel laughs, shaking his head. “It’s a sign that it won’t be easy then.”

“Easy?” Dean questions. “What won’t?”

“Obtaining me,” Castiel answers simply, shrugging.

Dean nearly hacks over his coffee, burning his tongue. “And now my tongue,” Dean replies.

Castiel laughs harder now, receiving a kick from Dean. He winces as he rubs his leg but he still laughs. Dean shakes his head before he starts laughing. They receive glares from the rest of the crowd, and they both force themselves to be quiet.

After a moment of gasping for air, Dean turns to face Castiel. “You keep this up and I might just kiss you,” he teases.

Castiel rolls his eyes as he feigns a groan. “Too much work,” Castiel murmurs. “Besides, I never kiss someone on the first date.”

“Oh, really, and how many dates do I have to try before I accomplish it?” he asks, hand on his cheek as he grins.

“It takes about five,” Castiel pretends to ponder, smiling.

“Five?” Dean exclaims. “Takes usually three to go to -”

“I’m not easy, Dean. You want me, you’ve got to work for it,” Castiel replies, a smirk tugging on his lips.

Dean stares at the other in wonder before he averts his gaze. After a moment of silence, he says, “So...what exactly do you do when you’re not busy? I mean, not having a television, there’s not a day where I’m not watching TV.”

Castiel nods his head in understanding before he sighs. “Work usually takes up most of my time,” he explains. “By the time I get back, I just sleep. But when I’m not working - I don’t know - I’m doing something productive.” He shrugs at the other.

“Where do you work?” he asks.

“Roché Industries,” Castiel says simply, sipping his coffee.

“Wait, you work for your cousin?” Dean replies, quirking a brow.

“Balthazar pretty much forced me. I had an ultimatum: work for him or let him provide for me,” Castiel explains.

“Huh, why’d you pick the first one?” Dean asks, rubbing his chin.

“Because Balthazar was doing it out of pity, and I don’t need nor want pity,” Castiel says, meeting Dean’s gaze.

“Pity? Why was he -?”

“Dean, that is a story I’ll tell you for another day,” Castiel interrupts. “Just...not now, please.”

Dean hears the other’s tone and nods his head, dropping the matter altogether.

“Sammy,” Castiel finally answers.

Dean turns to look at him, quirking a brow.

“You mentioned that name earlier...is Sammy a friend or a -”

“Sammy’s my brother,” Dean replies.

“Right,” Castiel mumbles, nodding his head. “Has he found his soulmate?”

Dean smiles before he nods his head. “He found her nearly four years ago,” Dean answers. “Ever since then, he’s gotten married and is having a baby.”

“That’s nice to know that he’s got someone to go home to,” Castiel sighs, leaning against his seat.

Dean nods once more. Castiel felt lonely too. He could see it behind the other’s smile. It’s a smile he knows far too well. Dean wasn’t the only one.

After a few minutes of talking of their lives, Dean decides to move elsewhere. Without a car to drive back home, the two walk for a few blocks before getting on a bus. There, they resume their conversation. Soon, Dean was walking Castiel to his doorstep, both of them laughing like idiots.

“So wait, you mean to tell me you ran around the block naked?” he questions, shaking his head.

“I was a kid, and I really didn’t like taking showers when I was young,” Castiel says with a shrug. “You should’ve seen my neighbor. She almost had a heart attack. The look in her eyes was just priceless.”

Dean’s smile widens as he imagines Castiel’s neighbor and starts to snort. He realizes they were at the other’s doorstep, and his smile starts to die down. He actually wishes he could have more time with him. “Umm, well... we’re here,” Dean replies.

Castiel nods as he looks at his door. “I suppose we are, but I don’t -” He trails off as he notices Dean’s expression. The other had been staring at him. Castiel quirks a brow before he says, “Dean, I think I -”

“Cas,” Dean interrupts. “Would you let me kiss you if we pretend we’ve had five dates already?”

Before Dean realizes what he had said, Castiel’s expression falls, eyes widening. He stares at the other, considering the request. But... He shakes his head slowly. “Dean...I meant what I said about you working for it,” Castiel replies, repressing the urge to say something stupid. “But I did have fun today. So let’s do this again whenever you have the chance.”

Dean looks at the other, feeling thoroughly embarrassed. “I-I didn’t...” he trails off, unsure what to say. He sighs before he nods. “Of course, I’m - uhh - glad you had fun. Even though half the time was a disaster.”

“Not for me it wasn’t,” Castiel replies. “Sure, we’ve encountered some problems, but I enjoyed every moment.” After a moment, Castiel asks, “Do you want to come inside and call Sam? Make him pick you up?”

Dean represses the urge to say yes, so he shakes his head. “No, it’s fine. I have my phone. I can just call him,” he answers.

Castiel nods before he opens the door. He slips inside. Before he closes the door, he turns to look at Dean.

****

“So,” Sam says as Dean climbs inside the passenger seat. “How’d it go?”

“What go?” Dean asks, putting on his seatbelt.

“Come on, Dean. How’d your date go with, Cas?” he asks.

“It wasn’t a date,” Dean shoots back.

“Course it wasn’t. So how’d it go?” he repeats.

Dean rolls his eyes before he says, “It was a disaster.”

Sam turns to look at Dean before his expression softens. “Dean, I’m so sorry. I -”

“But...it was fun.”

Sam’s expression changes, looking at Dean in confusion. He sees the smile forming on his brother’s lips and he smiled warily.

 


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter Five**

**Meltdown**

Castiel was having a very strange conversation with Bobby Singer. Bobby keeps talking about a body. And despite Castiel thinking Bobby had hidden a body in his backyard, Castiel manages a smile and nods his head.

Sam had thrown a welcome party for Castiel and Lisa, though Castiel wasn’t thrilled in seeing her. Nevertheless, he was enjoying himself. Before he could reply to Bobby’s response, he sees Dean looking at him. Dean’s expression face said it all. Come here.

Castiel clamped his mouth shut. He clears his throat before he says, “I’m sorry, Bobby, but it looks like I’m needed.”

Bobby turns to see who Castiel was looking at, a smile forming on his lips, before he nods his head. “Go on, but if you make him cry, well, you don’t want to end up like Phil, do ya?”

Castiel chuckles at Bobby before he sees the man’s expression. His laughter dies instantly, and he jerks towards Dean.

Upon noticing Castiel’s expression, Dean laughs. He receives a glare from Castiel, who simply gives him a gentle nudge. “I’m sorry if Bobby scared you. But don’t listen to him. He’s just kidding,” Dean explains.

“He’s certainly something, but scary? No, I don’t think so,” he answers, offering a kind smile.

Dean smiles as he nods. “Well, I’m glad you see him that way,” he answers.

“I like him. Not just him, but your family. They’re really...nice and caring,” Castiel murmurs sincerely.

Dean’s smile increases. “Really? I just find them annoying. But, I’m glad you’re liking them,” he replies.

Before Castiel could reply, Lisa interrupts their conversation. She gives Dean a playful smile, wrapping an arm around his waist.

“What’s going on here, boys?” she asks, lying against Dean.

Castiel’s expression falters but he manages to keep his smile.

“We’re fine,” Dean replies, unknowing of the other. He wraps an arm around Lisa’s back, bringing her closer.

“How are you liking this barbeque?” Dean asks Lisa.

She grins as she says, “I’m pretty sure Ash is hitting on me, but other than that, everything’s perfect.”

“Even Bobby?” Dean questions.

“Well, I’m pretty sure he’s losing his mind,” she jokes.

Dean and Lisa laugh.

Castiel bites his bottom lip, and he looks the other way. He sees Jessica alone, pouring a drink to herself, and considers talking to her. But before he considers it, Lisa calls his name.

“Cassiel, right?” she asks.

Castiel lifts his head and looks at her. A stuttering smile creeps on his face. “It’s actually, Castiel,” he corrects.

“Oh, I’m so sorry.” Lisa replies.

“But you gotta admit, it is a hard name to pronounce, right?” Dean chimes in.

Lisa laughs before she nods. “I mean what kind of name is Castiel, anyways? Who, in their right mind, named you?”

A frown crosses Castiel’s lips, and Dean knows a line’s been crossed.

Before Dean can cover for Lisa, Castiel answers, “My mom. She picked this name for me. She was always fascinated by religious figures. And she named me Castiel...right before she died.”

Dean looks at the other, pity forming on his features. He unwraps his arm from Lisa and lets it fall to his side. Lisa notices this and frowns.

“Umm,” she begins, unsure what to say. “Listen, I didn’t mean to say that. I -”

“No,” Castiel interrupts, looking at her. “It’s alright. It doesn’t matter. I never even met her.”

Dean knew he was lying. He could see the pain in the other’s eyes and he sighs. “Lisa,” he interrupts, “mind bringing me a beer?”

“Uhh...sure?” she replies.

“It’s inside,” he says.

Lisa nods, smiling faintly. She walks in the direction of the house, casually glancing back at the two.

Once she was gone, Dean asks, “Are you sure you’re okay?”

“I am. Listen, I think I should head on out. I mean, I’ve got work tomorrow -”

“Cas, please,” Dean replies, grasping his arm. “My parents haven’t been dead for as long as yours, but it still affects me. It hurts me too. So I understand what it might be like. You’ve got to talk to me, Cas.”

Castiel averts the other’s gaze. But Dean cocks his head so that he could catch the other’s eyes. Castiel looks at Dean before he sighs, nodding his head in defeat. “I wouldn’t know what to say.”

“It doesn’t matter. Say something, anything, and I’ll listen. I’m here for you. Okay?” he explains.

Soon enough, Lisa returns, beer in hand, and she hands it to Dean. She avoids looking at Castiel, afraid of what she’ll see.

Dean mumbles her a thank you.

Sam taps on a microphone, causing a screeching sound to reiterate. The delightful chattering stops and is replaced by an angry uproar.

Bobby, who’s covering his ears, snaps, “Are ya tryin’ to make us deaf, boy?”

Sam chuckles weakly before he apologizes. “Sorry for the interruption, but Jess and I have an announcement,” he explains, holding a hand out for Jess to come. Jess smiles as she wraps her hands around him. “We’ve just figured out what gender the baby is.”

The crowd bursts into smiles and cheers.

“Well, whataya waiting for, boy? Out with it before I die,” Bobby hurries.

Castiel manages a chuckle. Dean notices and a smile crosses his face.

Sam laughs nervously, hands in the air as if surrendering.

“Aren’t you impatient, Bobby Singer?” Jess interrupts, smiling. “The baby’s a girl!”

Everyone yells happily and marches forward.

Dean looks back at Castiel. “I need to congratulate them,” he murmurs, striding towards them.

Castiel watches as Dean leaves, leaving him with Lisa.

There’s an awkward silence for a few minutes as the two utter nothing to each other. Then, Lisa sighs silently, running a hand through her hair.

“So...Cas,” she begins.

Castiel hesitates before he looks at her, quirking a brow.

“Dean’s been talking about you...a lot, and he mentions things about you. I mean, is it true you ran around the neighborhood naked?” she asks.

Castiel’s expression falters once more, and he stares at the ground. Dean told Lisa? Just how much has Dean been talking about him in the last two weeks? And to Lisa?

“Y-yeah,” he manages weakly. “Listen, Lisa. I’ve got to go. I work an early shift tomorrow, and I don’t want to be late.”

Lisa’s confused yet relieved at the same time. She nods her head vigorously. “Okay, then. I’ll just tell Dean you left,” she says.

Castiel nods his head and heads on out.

Dean’s talking to Sam, rubbing Jess’s belly happily. He notices Castiel turning the side of the house and quirks a brow.

He jogs towards Lisa. “Where’s Cas going?” he asks.

Lisa shrugs.

Dean scrunches up his brows before he pushes passed Lisa. He half-jogs as he grabs Castiel’s arm and pulls him around. “Cas, where are you going?” he asks.

Castiel flinches as he felt someone grab him. His eyes meet a pair of green, and anger suddenly bubble into him. He jerks his arm from Dean, scoffing. “I’m going, Dean. Isn’t that obvious?” he snaps.

Dean’s confused by the other’s reaction, and he quirks a brow. “What’s wrong?” he asks.

“What’s wrong? What’s wrong? Why bother telling you if you’re just going to tell her!” he exclaims.

“Her? What?”

“Lisa, Dean! She told me about the day I ran around naked. I told you that in confidence, Dean!” he replies. “Why did you tell Lisa?”

Dean realizes why the other’s angry and he coughs. “Umm, well, she asked, and come on, what was I supposed to tell her, Cas?” he asks.

“Vague details, not word by word!” he snaps back. “I mean, why haven’t you told me about Lisa, eh? Why are you telling her my life?”

Dean takes a step back, raising his hands in surrender. “Cas, calm down. I didn’t know -”

“Oh! You didn’t know! He didn’t know!” Castiel says, looking at the empty space next to him as if someone was standing there. “And you think that still made it alright?”

“Cas, come on -”

“Who else have you told besides Lisa?” he demands, crossing his arms.

“Umm, well, just Sam, Jess, and Bobby -”

“Might as well tell the whole world, Dean!”

“Cas, they want to know more about my damn soulmate. What do you want me to tell them? Cas they’re curious. They want to get to know you,” he explains.

“And do you tell them about Lisa?” he demands.

Dean bites his bottom lip before he says, “She told me not to -”

“So, wait, wait, wait, you’re telling everyone my life story, but you’re not telling Lisa’s? What the hell? You respect her wishes but you don’t respect mine?”

“She told me!”

“And you were supposed to ask me instead of blab it to the whole world.”

“Cas, jeez, calm down. Stop getting so sentimental,” Dean says, rolling his eyes.

Castiel’s mouth hangs open as he heard Dean. He manages a smile and nods his head. He turns around to go before he jerks towards Dean and punches his cheek. Dean stumbles backwards, holding his ground. But Castiel grabs his shirt and pushes him against the wall.

“Sentimental? Is that what my reaction is?” he demands, gripping the other’s shirt tightly.

“Cas -”

“Don’t Cas me! How would you like it if I told people on how you really feel? How would you feel if I told Sam how you feel about him being a dad, eh? How would you feel, Dean?” Castiel grumbles angrily.

“Hey! I told you that in confidence!” Dean snaps back.

“So did I, Dean! You didn’t tell me to not tell anybody, but I knew!” Castiel shoots back.

“What’s going on here?” Sam demands, quirking a brow in confusion.

“Stay out of this!” Dean and Castiel snap back.

****

“This is stupid!” Dean exclaims, crossing his arms angrily.

Sam and Bobby had noticed Dean’s bleeding cheek and knew the two had got into a fight. So, Jess’s best solution was to dump them in marriage counseling, or in this case, soulmate counseling.

Castiel was sitting on a couch, clearly still fuming from earlier’s events. Dean was sitting next to him, but kept some great distance between the two. He didn’t dare look at him, fearing he might get another punch. He rubs his cheek, wincing slightly.

The door snaps open and in comes a speckled blonde, eyes brown. She has her hair in a loose ponytail, and she sits on the chair opposite the couch. She offers a kind smile at the two before she takes out her notebook, pen ready.

“Well, aren’t you two lovely,” she says, noticing Dean’s bruise. “Isn’t that a pretty shiner you got there?”

Dean shoots her a glare.

“Probably deserved it,” she mumbles, turning to look at Castiel.

“Hi, Castiel. I’m Bela Talbot,” she introduces. “As of today, and under your cousin’s recommendation, I am Dean’s and yours soulmate therapist. So, mind telling me what happened that you gave him that present?”

Castiel stares at her before he says, “I’m not sure. Dean might not want me to tell people, but then again, he finds it okay to tell others about me -”

“Come on! Really?” Dean groans, looking at him. “You’re still upset?”

“Would you be upset if I told Sam -?”

“I told you that in complete confidence!”

“Well, you didn’t tell me I wasn’t supposed to -”

“It’s implied -”

“So was mine -”

“But -”

The two broke into interrupting arguments. Bela watches, hand on her cheek, as the two fought. She was enjoying it at first, but then it got annoying and repetitive. Soon, she lost her temper, and she removes her glasses. “Will you two just shut up!” she yells over them.

The two look at her, clamping their mouths shut.

“Now, it’s obvious that you two have a lot, and I mean a lot, of sexual frustrations. So the best way for the two of you to have a happy lifetime is to relieve yourselves,” she announces.

Castiel and Dean look at her in shock, faces expressionless. Dean’s mouth hangs open as he stares at her in confusion. Suddenly, the two say at the same time, “What?!”

Bela just smiles at the two, shaking her head.

 


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter Six**

**Reconciliation**

Three days had elapsed since meeting with Bela. And during those three days, Dean’s and Castiel’s fighting grew worse. They would be fine one moment, and then the next, they would be in each other’s faces. The tension between the two was strained to the point that an accidental drop of salt ignited a fight.

And that was why they were forced into Bela’s office by Sam and Gabriel. Bela looks up at the two through her glasses, a smirk playing on her lips.

“Back so soon?” she asks, looking between Castiel and Dean.

Dean glares at Bela, who gave a simple and innocent shrug.

“I mean, this is the - what? - fifth time in just three days I’ve seen you two?” she replies, filing through her notes. “So, what was the fighting about this time?”

Castiel huffs through his nose, crossing his arms angrily as he turns away from her.

Dean rolls his eyes as he says, “I knocked over the little, stupid salt bottle.”

“Salt shaker!” Castiel snaps back.

“Whatever the hell you call it!” Dean exclaims, knocking the magazines that were on the coffee table.

Castiel flinches as the magazines flew across the table, turning to stare at the other in disbelief. “Dean, this is not your house to be making a wreck of things. So, you better get up and pick up the magazines.”

Dean glares at Castiel. But nevertheless, with a grumbling groan, he gets up from the couch and stacks the magazines onto the coffee table. He returns to his seat, sitting a bit closer to the other.

Bela watches silently, curiosity etched upon her features. She has a hand on her cheek, waiting for the two to return their attention to her again. When she thought they were done, she sits up straight and looks at the two. “Have you two done what I asked you to do?” she asks.

“Which was?” Dean replies, quirking a brow.

She groans silently, shaking her head. “You two are useless,” she mumbles over her breath. “As I said three days ago, and will say again, you two have a lot of sexual tension between the two of you. Have you two relieved your -?”

“No,” was Dean’s answer.

“And why not?” she questions.

“Because Cas, over here, won’t let me.”

Castiel looks shocked by the announcement and turns to stare at the other. “What?”

“It’s true -”

“You haven’t even asked me in the past -”

“I don’t have to! You made it loud and clear -”

“Shut up before I get a migraine,” Bela interrupts, rubbing at her temples. “So, Dean, you haven’t asked Castiel, but you know he won’t let you? Why is that?”

“Well, if he won’t even let me kiss him.”

Bela quirks a brow at the response and looks at Castiel. “But you’re soulmates. So why haven’t you -”

“It’s just what I want, okay?” Castiel snaps back. “Just... I want him to work for it.”

“Okay, well, that’s a first. But I understand,” she says, struggling for a response. “So, it’s obvious since your tensions haven’t been resolved, the fighting’s been growing worse. If it’s not with each other, maybe you two should relieve your tensions independently or with a second party.”

Castiel scoffs as he shakes his head. “Easy for Dean to do since I’m just a second choice.”

Dean opens his mouth to retaliate when Bela cuts him off. “Second choice?”

“I thought Balthazar explained to you of my situation?” Castiel replies.

“Appears I haven’t been informed of it all. Continue.”

Castiel sighs. “The only reason Dean’s with me is because he’s forced to do a trial with me and Lisa. Lisa might be his soulmate, or I might be his soulmate. Dean doesn’t know which since his watch had disappeared before he could check who it was directed to.”

Bela’s mouth hangs open as she looks at the two in new light, finally realizing the source of their problem. “Oh, well, this changes everything. You’re angry because there’s competition involved! Is that why you won’t let him -”

“You have never been so wrong,” Castiel replies, glaring at Bela. “If I’m not kissing Dean, it’s because of prior knowledge. I’ve learned from my mistakes in that past, and I won’t be doing them again!”

Bela sits in her seat, surprised by the other’s reaction. Well, she thought, there’s more to it, but the fact that there’s a woman involved changes everything. This is in fact, competition. And since he thinks he’s losing, the only form of attention he can attract is negative. But why is this buffoon angry at Castiel?

“Wait, you mentioned a trial. Oh! You were forced to do this. Is his cousin blackmailing you? He is, isn’t he?” she asks, a smirk tugging on her lips.

Dean glares at Bela, shifting closer to Castiel as he grumbles.

“You want to be with this Lisa girl, don’t you? But his cousin wouldn’t let you. And so...you take out your frustrations on Castiel, correct me if I’m wrong,” she continues.

Dean rises from his seat, shaking his head. “You’re wrong.” He walks away from her.

“Where are you going?” she asks, a grin tugging on her lips. “Our session isn’t over.”

Dean turns around and snaps back, “Well, I’m saying that it’s over. It’s over. I’m done.” He marches out the door, slamming the door shut.

Castiel flinches slightly as the door slams shut, sighing. After a moment of silence, Castiel stares at her. “I know what you’re doing. And let me tell you this, you’re only making him move closer to her.”

Bela meets the other gaze, uncrossing her legs and moving to sit beside him. A sincere smile crosses her expression. “I’ve been doing this a long time, Cas. I know how men think.”

“Not this one, Bela. You’re wrong, you know. At first, he was taking his frustrations out on me. But he changed his attitude. And for a while, everything was fine.”

“Then what caused the shift between the two of you?” she asked, surprised by his response.

“I did.”

****

Dean was over at Sam’s house, pacing back and forth. He runs a hand through his hair as he sighs. Sam was staring at Dean, worried. Sam went towards the refrigerator and pulls out a beer for his brother, handing it to him. Dean takes it and uncaps it, taking a long swing from it. He groans softly, shaking his head.

“I don’t know what to do anymore, Sammy,” he replies.

Sam stares at Dean, seeing his troubled expression. “Well, you and Cas should just sit down and talk it out, Dean.”

“We have talked it out, Sam! But we just end up fighting,” he snaps back. “For god’s sake, we got into a fight because I accidentally knocked over the salt bottle - shaker - fuck! Whatever you call it.”  

Sam sighs softly. “Dean, have you two considered taking a break...from each other?” he asks.

“Do you think I haven’t thought of that? Damn it, Sam. I think about asking him to just end the trial everyday.”

“Then why don’t you do it?” he questions.

“I don’t know. I just... I can’t bring myself to say that I don’t want the trial. I’d be lying, Sammy. I like Cas. I do. But the fighting, I’m just tired of it. I don’t know how it started, but I just want him to tell me what I did wrong so I can just apologize for it.”

Sam tilts his head at his brother, confused by the response. “What makes you think you did something wrong?”

“Because ninety-five percent of the time, it’s my fault, Sam,” Dean mumbles back, taking a seat in an empty chair. He covers his head with his hands. “I could really use some guidance, Sammy. Please.”

“Dean, if you’re really serious about this -”

“I am!”

“-then you’re going to have to really commit. You have to force Castiel to sit down, even if you have to tie him down. And if he raises his voice or interrupts you, you can’t fight him back on it. Just continue your thoughts without raising your voice at him. You two really need to get your problems resolved or your relationship is just going to crumble.”

Dean listens silently before he sighs, nodding his head. “You know, our therapist, she thinks I’m angry at Cas. I’m not. I don’t feel forced into doing this, not anymore. Not since the first week we spent together.”

“Maybe she was trying to get you to confess the truth. Spill how you really feel about Cas.”

“Son a bitch. And couldn’t she just ask me to -”

“Dean, what did I just explain to you?”

“Sorry,” he mumbles softly.

“Tomorrow, you and Castiel should go see Bela and talk this out, okay?” he asks.

Dean groans. He didn’t want to see Bela. She nerved him. But if it was for Cas, he was willing to try. “Okay, Sammy.”

****

Dean was sitting on the half-empty couch in Bela’s office. He looked thoroughly pissed as he stares down at his watch. Castiel had agreed to go today and meet with Bela at five o’clock. It was five twenty-eight. Dean curses under his breath before he glares at Bela.

“Oh, don’t give me that, Dean,” she murmurs, grinning at the other.

Dean scoffs, rolling his eyes.

“I’m not the enemy here, dear,” she replies. “So drop the glare and let’s talk.”

“How if Cas isn’t -”

“I want to know how you really feel, Dean. Your feelings without the influences of Cas.”

Dean stares at her before he resigns. “What do you want to know?” he asks.

“Well, what do you think of this trial?” she begins.

“I think it’s stupid, but I understand why it was designed. And so far, I have enjoyed my time with both Castiel and Lisa.”

“But you have to pick one at the end of the trial,” she counters.

Dean lowers his gaze. “It’s - it’s not fair, you know? This whole stupid trial is not fair.”

“And why not?” she asks, genuinely curious.

“Because at the end of the trial, I have to pick one. I either pick Cas or Lisa. And it’s not fair for either of them. If I pick Lisa, then what’ll happen to Cas? I mean, will I be able to see him again? Well he let me see him again when this is over? It’s not fair. This whole system isn’t fair. Because you don’t get a backup soulmate. So what? Cas will just be alone? I mean, it’s not fair for him!”

Bela looks at him, blinking blankly, as if he had just said something incredible. She takes off her glasses. “Dean, you really oppose this when it comes to Cas,” she said.

Dean quirks a brow, confused.

“What I mean to say is that if it was Castiel you picked, instead of Lisa, would you be opposed to what happens to Lisa?” she rephrases.

Dean blinks blankly as he considers the question.

Bela changes the subject and asks, “Dean, are you distancing yourself from Cas because you don’t want to hurt him?”

Dean looks up at her, quirking a brow. “What do you mean?”

“When you talk about Lisa, you talk about her in a tone that’s filled with happiness, but with Cas, it’s a different matter. It’s as if you don’t want to love him.”

Dean shakes his head. “You’re wrong, you know. I am honestly trying. I am. And every time I try to get close to Cas, he pushes me away.”

“And do you think it’s for the very reason I just explained to you?” Bela questions seriously.

“I...I don’t know,” he stammers, running a hand through his hair. “But I just want things to be like they were. For three weeks, we were fine and really close. And it all began when we went to Sam’s welcome party. Something changed that afternoon, and since then, Castiel has been pushing me away.”

Bela nods her head silently as she looks at the other in new light. So, what Castiel explained to her earlier was true. “Dean, how do you feel about Cas?” she asks.

Castiel closes the laptop shut, not wanting to see the rest of the session. He had spied on Dean enough. Bela had convinced Castiel to miss the session, wanting him to get Dean’s true thoughts without being there. Castiel sighs as he looks up at the ceiling as if praying.

Dean averts her gaze. “I don’t know honestly. At times, he can be an asshole who just wants to pick a fight. But when he’s not being a jerk, he’s hilarious and kind and the most clueless son of a bitch I have ever met,” he mumbles, a smile crossing his expression.

Bela manages a genuine smile. “Have you ever considered that you’re in love with him?” she asks.

Dean lowers his head. “I have.”

“And Lisa? Do you really love her?” she asks.

“I’m not sure. It’s true that I spend most of my time with her, but when I’m with her, it’s as if there’s no connection between us.”

“And there is with Cas?”

“I don’t know yet.”

****

Dean’s driving back to his condo when he sees Castiel’s house come in view. He knew it was late and Castiel was probably asleep. It took everything for Dean to drive passed his house. But right when he was going to turn the corner, he stops his car. Dean curses under his breath as he backs his car down the street. He parks into Castiel’s driveway.

He hesitates before he knocks on the door. After a few seconds, the door opens and they’re both looking at each other.

“Dean,” Castiel whispers, surprised by the other’s presence. “What’re you doing here?”

“Can I come in?” he asks.

Castiel’s silent for a moment before he makes way for Dean. Dean shuffles inside, sitting on the edge of Castiel’s couch.

“Why weren’t you there?” Dean whispers softly, looking up at Castiel.

Castiel averts the other’s gaze before he answers, “Something came up at the office. I’m sorry. I should’ve called.”

Dean nods his head slowly, understanding. He pats the empty space beside him. Castiel hesitates, debating whether he should sit beside him. He finally advances, sitting beside him. He sighs softly, turning to look at Dean.

“I don’t want to fight with you anymore, Cas,” he whispers. “I’m sick and tired of it. I don’t know what’s gnawing at you, but please don’t leave me out here in the cold. I want to know. If there is anything wrong.”

Castiel nods slowly, biting his lower lip. “It’s just...nothing, Dean. Nothing but fear,” he murmurs.

“What are you afraid of?” he asks, concerned.

“This, Dean. I’m afraid of us and what this’ll turn out like,” he answers.

“I don’t even know what this is, Cas,” he says.

Castiel nods his head. “Neither do I, and that’s what I’m afraid of the most.”

“Is that why you’ve been pushing me away?” Dean questions.

Castiel nods his head. “Dean, it’s late. And we’re both going to -”

“Cas, please. You’re doing it again, pushing me away. Please,” he answers. “Let’s spend some time together, okay? No fights, no nothing.”

Castiel sighs softly before he looks at Dean.

“You know what? Let’s watch a movie together,” Dean says.

Castiel quirks a brow, confused.

“Come on, we haven’t done anything together in a while. Please.”

Castiel manages a weak smile before he nods. Dean grins as he rises from his seat, walking towards the TV. The second week they were together, Dean had bought Castiel a TV, a DVD player, and some movies. Dean shuffles through the DVDs before he settles on a movie.

“Want me to make you anything?” he asks.

Castiel smiles faintly as he shakes his head.

Dean nods as he sits closer to Castiel, waiting for the movie to start.

The movie was halfway through when Castiel realizes the other was asleep. He checks the time, seeing it was already eleven thirty. He rises from his couch, looking for some sheets. He returns later and places the sheets on Dean, making sure he wasn’t going to get cold. Castiel sighs softly as he runs a hand through Dean’s hair.

He pecks the other’s forehead before he went to his own room.

 


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter Seven**

**“You’re Doing Everything I Wanted to Do”**

Castiel was drying off his hair when he hears a knock on the door. A grin surfaces on his face as he dumps his towel on a chair. He opens the door, and he’s met with a pair of green eyes.

“Well, I’m here,” Dean says, rubbing the back of his hair.

Castiel smiles as he nods. “I can see that.”

“So, why did you ask me to come here?” Dean asks. “Not that I’m complaining, or I was bothered to -”

“Dean, I get it,” Castiel answers, chuckling softly. “I wanted you to come here so I could take you out.”

Dean’s lips part upon hearing the response before he furrows his brows. “Wait, as in a date?” he asks.

Castiel bites his lip before he nods.

“Wow, I - err - I wasn’t expecting that. I mean, I usually offer to - to - and I’m just making this awkward than it should be.”

“Yes, you are,” Castiel replies, chuckling nervously.

“I’m sorry,” Dean mumbles weakly. “But - errm - yes, Whatever you’re planning, I’ll be happy to do.”

“Are you ready then?” Castiel asks.

Dean nods vigorously. Castiel grins as he looks for his keys before locking the door. He turns around facing the other and reaches out.

“What?” Dean questions, looking down at his hand.

“Give me your keys, Dean,” Castiel replies.

Dean wavers silently, looking at Castiel before looking at his car. “Last time I gave you my keys, my car got towed away.”

“And need I remind you who was the one who told me to park in a tow zone?” Castiel answers, grinning.

Dean stares at the other, shooting lasers at him, before he, with a grumble, digs in his pocket and hands him his keys. “I swear -”

“I heard you the last time. Hurt you, blah, blah, blah, kill you, blah,” Castiel answers, snatching Dean’s keys from his hands. He walks towards the Impala, sliding inside the driver’s seat.

Dean shakes his head as he realizes not even Lisa had driven his car once.

“So, mind telling me where we’re going?” Dean asks, after they take a turn.

“I remember someone told me once that the element of surprise wouldn’t be a surprise if the other party knew,” Castiel answers, turning to look at the other.

Dean returns the other’s gaze, glaring at him. “You know, not everything I say should be taken into consideration,” Dean replies.

Castiel snorts at the other’s answer, resuming his attention to the road.

At last, Castiel parks the car, making sure it wasn’t a tow zone. They exit the vehicle as Dean looks around.

“Hey, this is where I took you on our first -” Dean stops himself. Date? Time? How should he phrase it?

“Date, I know,” Castiel finishes for him, smiling. Castiel walks up the pavement, expecting the other to follow him.

“You’re not taking me to the movies, are you?” Dean asks, chuckling at the idea as he follows the other.

“That’s exactly where I’m taking you,” Castiel answers simply.

Dean turns to stare at the other. “The movies? On our - what? - fourth date, you’re taking us to the movies?”

“Problem?” Castiel asks.

“Well, isn’t that a little bit cheesy?” he replies.

“Hey, you took me to the movies first, and that was cheesy. I didn’t complain as much as I wanted to. And besides, my motivation is different than what you were aiming for in that date.”

Dean blinks blankly, seeing his point. “Motivation? What exactly are you striving for?”

“You are so garrulous when you want to,” he says, smiling.

“But -”

“Don’t make me say petulant too.”

Dean grumbles as he clamps his mouth shut. Just like that, Castiel was able to make him shut up. And he despised that the other had such an affect on him. Dean feigns sulking throughout the way to the theater. When they arrive, Dean finds the place empty and abandoned.

He turns to look at Castiel. “Cas, I think they’re cl-”

Castiel shushes the other as he searches through his pockets and retrieves a key. He inserts the key in the lock and opens the door. Castiel looks at the other, grinning.

“What’re you - no, how --”

“Stop asking stupid questions and get inside,” Castiel replies, holding the door open for him.

Unsure what was going on, the other enters the building, watching as Castiel locks the door and walks beside him. Immediately, a man approaches them and smiles at Castiel.

“Hello, hello, Castiel,” the man says, shaking his hand. “Got the place closed and the movie’s waiting for you just like you asked.”

Castiel grins as he nods. “Thank you, Jeff. I-”

“No, thank you. Anything for you. I’m just going to go upstairs and wait until you two are ready to watch the movie,” he says, walking passed him.

Dean waits until Jeff’s out of sight before he turns to stare at Castiel. “What is going on? You had them close the theater?”

“Yes, but it’s just for today.”

“Why?”

“Because if I remember correctly, the movie you had wanted to see desperately sold out of tickets. So, if the theater’s closed, the movie’s not going to sell out.”

“I appreciate what you’re doing, Cas, but --- Movie? What are we even watching?”

“The Hobbit,” Castiel answers simply, walking towards their room.

“Wha -? But that was a month ago. The movie’s not being shown anymore.”

“I called in a favor,” he says, walking passed several aisles as he looks for seats.

“How? How much money did you spent?”

“Nothing. This is all free.”

“Free? Why?” Dean asks in disbelief.

“Well, if you’re related to Roché Industries, you can’t imagine all the doors that open up.”

Dean stares at the other, surprised and confused he would do such a thing. Castiel finds a spot but realizes the other was still staring at him.

“What?” he asks.

“You’re doing everything I wanted to do on that day,” Dean says.

“Just perfectly,” Castiel remarks, a cocky smile playing on his lips.

Dean glares at his response, shaking his head. “Jerk,” he mumbles, sitting beside him.

Halfway through the movie, Castiel was watching the other as he jumps in his seat, a sincere smile forms on his lips. Well, Dean was obviously enjoying the movie, he thought. That was all that matter.

****

“That was amazing. I mean, I thought it was hilarious when Kili left Bilbo,” he continues.

Castiel was rubbing his face as the other continued to talk about the movie. “I know, Dean. I was there. I saw it too.”

“But it was awesome! Cas, thank you so much. I had been wanting to see it, but never found the time anymore.”

“You’re welcome,” he mumbles, smiling at the other. “Come on, I’ve got another place I want to take you to.”

“Really? Where?”

“Spoilers,” he says, as they turn a corner.

Soon, Castiel stops in front of a building. Dean looks at it, quirking a brow.

“This is the place where we went when it rained.”

“Yep, it is,” Castiel says.

“Okay, now I feel like you’re making fun of me, and how crappy our first date was.”

“Crappy?” Castiel repeats. “Dean, I told you I had fun. I enjoyed our first date so much that I wanted to recreate it again.”

Dean stares at Castiel, mouth agape at his response. He feels a pain coming from his chest, and he looks away from the other.

“Let’s go inside,” Castiel answers, slipping inside.

Dean doesn’t protest as he follows the other inside. “So, are we going to eat?”

“No, I visited this place a couple of times after our first date, and upon the third time of coming here, I realized that this place was more than just a cafe.”

“I don’t -”

“This way,” Castiel interrupts, grabbing the other’s wrist. He drags Dean to a door on the right side of the cafe. Once inside, they’re surrounded by darkness. Before Dean could call for the other’s name, he realizes he was still holding his arm.

“Cas, I can’t see anything,” he mumbles.

“Wait a minute.”

Dean’s silent for a moment before chromatic lights begin to ignite the room. Soon, Dean can see again, and he realizes that he’s surrounded by thousands, if not myriads, of stars. His mouth’s agape as he stares at the moving stars. He notices that the room’s empty except for a machine, probably the projector.

“Cas, what is this?” he asks, turning to look at the other.

“I believe they called it a mini-planetarium,” he answers. “Minus the auditorium, as you can see,” he gestures to the lack of seats.

Dean shakes his head, mumbling, “Son of a bitch.”

Upon seeing a meteor, Dean says, “No wonder the building was dome shaped.”

“And no wonder their decorations was astro-based,” Castiel answers.

Dean laughs, remembering he made a remark on it. He realizes the other walk towards the projector, sitting on the floor. After a moment, he joins the other, sitting across him.

“How did you discover this?” he asks.

“I noticed a storm of crowd come in here.”

“And you called in a favor to close this?”

He nods.

“You’re unbelievable, you know that right?” he answers.

“So I’ve been told,” he says.

In the midst of a shooting star passing through, Dean returns his gaze to the other. But Castiel was too busy watching the star fly away from view. Dean watches as the other’s eyes changed from blue to an orange-green hue.

“Beautiful,” Dean hears himself say.

“I know right? I’ve been coming here every week just to watch this.”

“That’s not what I was talking about,” Dean blurts.

“What?” Castiel asks, blinking blankly as he stares at him. “What’re you talking -”

Impulsively, Dean had leaned in and kissed the other. Castiel was fazed, conflicted on what he should do. He places a hand on the other’s shoulder before he pushes him away.

“Uhh...” he trails off, licking his lips as he turns away from Dean.

Dean realizes what he had done and exclaims, “I’m sorry, Cas! I-I wasn’t thinking, and I -”

“No,” Castiel interrupts, covering his mouth with his hand. “It’s fine.”

****

Dean was walking the other to his house, chuckling nervously. Despite the fact that Castiel had said it was fine, Dean’s nerves had risen. He wouldn’t calm down when they ate together alone. And he was tired by the time he walked Castiel to his door.

“I hope you had fun,” Castiel says, opening the door to his house.

“I-I did,” Dean whispers.

Castiel sighs as he says, “Dean, I said it was fine. Stop worrying about it.”

“I know. I’m not worried,” he answers. “I’m not, honestly.”

Castiel nods slowly as he stares at him. “Okay, Dean,” he answers. “Goodnight.”

“Goodnight, Cas,” Dean replies, looking at the other.

As the door closed, Dean feels that pain in his chest again. It wouldn’t go away during the ride home, and it lingered as he took a shower and fell asleep.

  
  



	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter Eight**

**Father of the Year**

Dean sighs lazily as he flips through the channels. When it lands on the history channel, he snaps the TV off. He hears a hum and turns his head in the direction of the noise.

“You sure you don’t need any help?” he asks.

“I said I was fine,” Castiel mumbles back from the kitchen door.

Dean rolls his eyes as he enters the kitchen. He watches as the other dumps popcorn into the bowl, and Dean moves in to grab a piece. Castiel slaps the other’s hand away, receiving a tsk from Dean.

“What’d you do that for?” he questions, rubbing his hand.

“No eating until everything’s prepared,” he answers.

Dean rolls his eyes as he nudges Castiel playfully, who starts to laugh. Dean quirks a brow as he stares at the other. Castiel meets the other’s gaze, finding his questioning expression.

“I’m still ticklish, believe it or not,” he replies.

Dean looks at the other in disbelief, who just rolls his eyes and starts blending the fruits. Dean finds himself chuckling over the whirring of the machine. And suddenly, a thought pops into his mind. He watches the other, making sure he wasn’t hearing his steps as he approaches the other stealthily. The minute Castiel switches the blending machine off, Dean’s attacking his sides. Castiel was holding onto the handle of the blender jar when the other attacked him. Instantly, his arm flies up and he spills the contents of the jar on the counter and his arm.

“Dean!” he exclaims, groaning. He looks down at his arm, feeling the wetness from the juice.

The other stops as he looks at the contents. “Sorry,” he mumbles weakly.

“You’re sorry!” Castiel snaps back, wiping his forehead. He faces the other, shaking his head. “Dean, you’re going to clean that mess.”

Dean nods as he bites his lower lip. “Fair enough,” he answers. “But first -”

Dean grabs Castiel’s sides again, who jerks and twitches around again, barking out laughing once more.

“S-sto-oop! -et go-oooo,” he manages, bumping into the other.  

“You all right?” Dean asks, seeing the other resting against him.

Castiel’s panting, trying to catch his breath from laughing. He looks up at the other, realizing how close they were. He unconsciously looks at his lips, and he’s flushed back with the memory from a  week ago. He bites his bottom lip before he hears the door knock.

They both turn their attention to the door.

“Umm, could you get the door for me?” Castiel asks. “I’ll clean this.”

Dean looks at him, nodding. “Yeah, yes,” he answers. He unwraps his arms from Castiel, walking towards the door.

Castiel stands there for a moment, watching the other go before he washes his hands. He scrubs off the juice from his arms. Once that was done, he grabs a towel and cleans the counter.

Dean returns with a package in hand, having signed for Castiel. Castiel looks over his shoulder, quirking a brow when the box catches his attention.

“What’s in there?” he asks.

“Dunno, but we better find out,” he says, placing the box on the counter. He grabs a knife, cutting open the box.

Castiel places the dirty towel in the sink before drying his hands with paper. He peers over Dean’s shoulder, trying to see what’s in the box. He furrows his brows when he finds an envelope on top of another box. Dean grabs the envelope and hands it to Castiel.

Castiel rips the envelope open, opening the letter silently. He scans over the letter before he stands still. He was motionless for a few moments before he starts trembling. Dean notices the other quiver, and he quirks his brow.

“Cas? Are you all right?” he asks, placing a hand on the other’s shoulder.

Castiel shakes his head before he marches towards the stove and turns on the stove burner. Dean sees this and asks, “Cas? What’re you - Cas!” Castiel had just dumped the letter on the burner. Dean runs towards the stove before snatching the letter and turning on the sink. He groans at the blackened letter.

“What’re you doing, Cas!” he exclaims.

Castiel crosses his arms at the other, angry at having taken the letter. He turns away from the other, turning off the burner.

Dean picks up the letter and scans over what was left of the contents.

Castiel,

It’s me, Anna, your half-sister if you’ve forgotten already. Cas, it’s been years since I saw you last, and I decided that fifteen years has been far too long. It’s almost going to be two decades, Cas! And I was wondering if we could catch up. We have lots to discuss, Cas. And I have heard news that you have found your soulmate. So, please, Cas, if you still care about everything we’ve been through, I have organized two cards for you and your soulmate to meet me at the Four Seasons Hotel in Chicago on the Twenty-eighth of January.

Your sister dearest,

Anna Milton

Dean blinks blankly as he stares at the letter, having reread it multiple times. He turns to Castiel, who still had his arms crossed.

“Cas, you told me you didn’t have a sister or any other sibling besides Gabriel -”

“Shut up, Dean!” the other interrupts, turning to meet Dean’s gaze. He sighs softly before he shakes his head. “Gabriel’s my half-brother, yes. Anna is my...half-sister...to an extent.”

“What do you mean by to an extent -”

“JUST! Just...let me explain,” he groans out, rubbing his temples. “My f-f-fa--her, as you may not know, was married to Gabriel’s mom for a few years until Gabriel turned three. The relationship didn’t work out, and they got a divorce. Later, he remarried Sarah Parker, who as far as I know is still his wife.”

“Wait, her last name is Milton and yours is Novak? I don’t understand,” he answered.

Castiel meets the other’s gaze. He motions his head to the side before disappearing into the living room. Dean follows the other and sits beside him on the sofa.

It’s silent for a moment before Castiel says, “I don’t wish to associate myself with that man, Dean.”

“Who?” he asks.

“My father.”

“But why? I mean, your dad’s alive! I lost both of my parents in a fire. Hell, I would give anything to spend just a few seconds with -”

“It’s different! Dean, you don’t know what my father was like. The things he did,” Castiel muttered, lip quivering. “Dean, when my mom died, he was left with me. And in the midsts of his grief and insanity, he blamed me for killing my mother.” Castiel gulps dryly as he rubs his hands. “I didn’t want to tell this part of my life to you. And I hoped I never had to, but considering how Anna wants to contact me, it means he’ll be there.”

Dean watches Castiel as he struggles to formulate a decent response. He places a hand on the other’s arm. “You don’t have to tell me, Cas. If you’re uncomfortable -”

Castiel jerks his arm away. “You have to know, Dean!” he exclaims, panting heavily. “He blamed me...for killing my mother. And because of that, a hatred grew. And he’s hated me ever since.” Castiel winces slightly as a thought crossed his mind. He covers his eyes with his hands. “The beatings didn’t start until I was five. And I still remember the first time he lay a hand on me. I had asked for my mom, and he slapped me across the face before he...” His voice cracks.

“And they only grew worse since then. Either his rage grew with each beating or he had gotten creative. He was smart enough to leave my face unscath, so school’s never found out nor people. And he threatened me with death or kick me out on the streets if I ever told anybody.

“The only people that knew was Gabriel and Anna. And Sarah, but she didn’t give a damn. Anna was his favorite because she always obeyed him. Gabriel would always protect me from him and fight him at times. But even with Gabriel, that wasn’t enough at times. Especially when he drank. One time Gabe had to go to the hospital. Do you want to know what he did after the paramedics took him?” he says almost hysterically now.

Dean bites his bottom lip as he shakes his head.

But Castiel tells him anyways. “Even though I was beaten to the point that I needed to go to the hospital, he only let the paramedics take him. When they left, he took his renewed anger out of me. And he broke my arm because he twisted ---”

“Stop!” Dean begs, voice cracking from pain. Dean wraps his arms around Castiel, bringing him against his chest. “Stop, Cas! God damn it, stop,” he murmurs, feeling the ends of his eyes prick up.

“I said that so many times and it never -”

Dean covers the other’s mouth, trying to shush him. He practically cradles the other against him, rubbing his back silently as he did so. He could hear Castiel sob against him, and he rests his head against the other’s head.

“Dean, I c-c-can’t go to that hotel. He-He’ll be there, I just know he will,” he stammers.

“I’m not forcing you, Cas. You don’t have to go there. Shhh,” Dean slurs, unsure what to say to make the situation better.

They were holding each other for a few minutes. Castiel was sniffling against Dean as he tried to soothe his nerves. Soon, Castiel’s whimperings turn into soft shudders and he’s gasping for breath.

“I’m sorry,” he finally manages before he breaks away from the other’s embrace.

Dean stares at him, seeing how quickly he had distanced himself. “Cas...”

“Errm, how about I finish making us those smoothies,” he answers, rising from the couch.

“Cas!” Dean says, grabbing the other’s arm and bringing him back on the couch.

The other looks away from him. Dean sighs softly as he turns the other’s chin in his direction with his two fingers. “Look at me,” he whispers.

Castiel blinks blankly as he stares at him.

“Your dad was wrong in blaming you for supposedly killing your mom. It’s rare, but it’s possible, Cas. It happens and none of it was your fault. Do you understand me?” he explains. “With all those beatings, he left you are scar. And whenever you talk about your mother, your face looks guilty. He’s convinced you that you did something when you didn’t. And it’s not your fault, Cas. Your mother’s death was not your fault, okay?”

The other was silent for a while before he gently nods his head.


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter Nine**

**A Traumatic Experience**

Dean’s staring at Castiel as he’s sleeping on his bed. Dean sighs softly, slipping on his jacket as he gently closes the door. He turns off the light and walks out the door, locking it behind him. Upon driving back to his condo, Dean remembers today’s events. The other’s trembling hold. The stifled sobs. Dean shakes his head vigorously before he turns on the radio, trying to clear his mind.

But as Dean sees his condo in view, he drives past it. Dean curses under his breath as he drives towards Roché Industries. He knew he was the last person Balthazar wanted to see, and Dean couldn’t help having a mutual feeling either, but he needed his advice.

Dean slams the door to Impala shut before he makes his way to the building. He’s stopped once he makes it to the front desk. But after making such a huge racket, Balthazar lets Dean into his office.

“Make it quick, Dean. I don’t have your time. And if you’re trying to convince me to stop the trial again, I will call -”

“Shut up, Balthazar,” Dean snaps back quickly. “That’s not why I came here for.”

That catches the Englishman’s attention. He sits down on his chair, waiting for the other to continue.

Dean’s silent for a moment, rubbing his jaw. “Balthazar, it’s about Cas -”

“As I thought,” he interrupts, rolling his eyes.

“Let me finish!” Dean answers. “Cas, he told me what happened to him years ago.”

Balthazar quirks a brow, not comprehending what the other was talking about. “That’s a bit ambiguous.”

“With his father,” Dean clarifies.

Balthazar looks up at Dean in surprise. He slowly raises from his chair and turns to look at the window. “So, Castiel told you.”

“Yes,” Dean replies.

“Why did he tell you?” Balthazar questions, turning to stare at Dean.

“He received a package in the mail today. It was from Anna. And she wants to see Cas. Cas, when he read it, he lost it and broke down,” Dean explains.

Balthazar sighs in annoyance as he rubs his nose. “I thought I blocked any mails from them,” he whispers silently. “They must’ve used a fake name. Or someone else’s.”

“Balthazar, why did Cas’s father abuse him?” he asks.

Balthazar snaps at Dean, turning to glare at him. “Are you an idiot or what? Castiel told you the story! Castiel’s mum died giving birth to him. His father really loved Lolita. And when she died, he barely snapped. And for years, he blamed a child for killing his beloved. He was hanging on by a thread, Dean! A thread! When Castiel mentioned her, Foltern, he, he, just snapped!” Balthazar explains, waving his arms crazedly.

Dean stares at Balthazar silently, unsure what he should say. “How long did Cas suffer?” he asks.

Balthazar groans softly as he tries to recount the time. “I used to remember the date, but after the years, I’ve forgotten. It was during the summer of 1999. My father came to visit his ex-stepbrother and took me along. I immediately befriended Castiel since he was the least irritating. And that’s when I found out Foltern’s dirty little secret,” he explains.

“How did you find out?” Dean asks.

“I had brought Castiel this shirt he always wanted. And he was so excited he had forgotten that he still had bruises on him. When he took of his shirt, god it was like looking at a spoiled banana, the bruises were dark. Really dark,” he answered. “He begged me not to tell anyone, but I told my father. My father threatened to tell social services if Foltern didn’t let my father take him from him. God, I’ve never seen Castiel cry so much since that day,” Balthazar finishes.

Dean rubs his arm silently as he looks at the ground. He had subtracted Castiel’s birthday and 1999. And what he calculated horrified him. Nearly eleven years Cas had to endure his father’s beatings. Dean didn’t know how he managed to stay alive for such a long time. And yet, Castiel could always manage a smile and laugh like nothing has ever happened to him.

“Painful, isn’t it?” Balthazar asks, arms crossed.

Dean nods his head slowly. “Castiel’s mom was your aunt?” he asks.

“Yeah. Though Lolita didn’t want anyone to know she was related to Roché Industries because she knew how money ran.”

“So, she changed it to Novak?” Dean guessed.

“My grandmother’s maiden name,” he answered, nodding his head. “For years I’ve been protecting Castiel from that man. And I’ve managed to keep him safe for ten years. Do you know how much it pains him to even let someone hold him? Hell, I have never hugged Castiel. Wait, lie, I hugged him when he wouldn’t stop crying. He hates touching, Dean. And if he’s allowed to you to even do that, then it’s a miracle.”

Dean’s silent for a moment, unsure what to say to Balthazar. Castiel had allowed him to touch him since their first date. Was he ever afraid of him whenever he laid a finger on him? Dean rubs his arm silently.

Balthazar watches the other, who looks like a wounded puppy. “Oh, cheer up, mate,” he says. “I don’t like this side of you. Please, don’t let Castiel know I went over this with you. He’ll be...heavily affected by it then.”

“You’ve been taking care of him for ten years?”

“Thirteen. I’ve always been there for Cassie. He’s been through enough. So Dean, I am begging you, if you are not serious with him, then please tell me now. And I will end this trial. I don’t want to see him get hurt again.”

“Then why put me through this trial to begin with?” he asked.

“I thought it was a good idea at first. But as the days progressed, I realized my mistake. And it was too late to stop it because he had already... Dean, I don’t want to pressure you in your final decision, but please.”

Dean stares at Balthazar silently, fear gnawing at him. “I’ll have it figured out by the end of the trial.”

“Will you, really? The trial ends in less than three weeks. Do you even have it figured out?” Balthazar counters.

Less than three weeks already? Dean’s chest rises and falls heavily as he stares at the other with a firm nod. He didn’t know who yet, but he’ll figure it out. He hoped.

****

Dean killed the ignition as he got out of his car. He walked up the steps before he comes in view of the door. He knocks silently. The door swings open and Lisa steps out. She wraps her robe tightly as he stares at Dean.

“Dean, what’re you doing here?” she asks.

Dean’s silent as he stares at the ground.

“Are you all right, Dean?” she whispers silently, seeing his expression.

Dean says nothing. He moves forward and wraps his arms around her, resting his head against her neck. Lisa’s surprised by the action, but says nothing against it. She sighs softly as she soothes Dean.

Lisa sets a cup of coffee beside Dean, standing behind him. “Are you sure you don’t want to talk about it?” she asks.

Dean shakes his head. “No, I’m sure.”

“Whatever’s gnawing at you, it’s sure doing a good job in depressing you.”

“Lisa, please,” Dean whispers.

She’s silent for a moment before she sits in the chair beside Dean. She takes his hand and rubs circles on it. “Is this about Cas, Dean?” she questions silently.

Dean’s silent, unwilling to reveal his problems, but his expression said it all.

Lisa knew immediately and she sighs softly. “You know, you can always talk to me about it. But if you don’t, then -”

“Lisa, I just want to stay here without being persecuted. Please,” Dean interrupts.

Lisa’s stunned for a moment before she recovers. “I understand, Dean. I’m sorry.”


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter Ten**

**Foot In Your Mouth**

Dean storms through the door of his condo, slamming the door with a loud whamming sound following it. He huffs angrily as he advances towards the refrigerator, opening and grabbing a beer bottle. He uncaps it and takes a long swig. Dean slumps onto the couch, huffing through his nose. He had never been so angry. And never was Castiel the source of his anger.

Dean just didn’t understand it. He didn’t know why Castiel got so angry at him. But when he snapped back at Dean, the older Winchester had lost his temper. Dean sighs lazily as he sets the bottle down, reflecting on the earlier events.

Dean had invited Castiel on a date to Kansas City. It had been three days since Castiel confessed what had happened, and Dean didn’t want their relationship to strain over the issue. Everything was fine. They had ate at a restaurant and were having fun. They were even playing the most ridiculous game, which Castiel had insisted, called I have never.

When the older Winchester said he had never had sex before, Castiel stared at him as if he had grown another head.

“What?” Dean asked, annoyed that Castiel was still gaping at him.

“You have never -?” he murmured weakly.

“No! Well, to an extent.”

“What is exactly is to an extent?” Castiel asked, brows raised.

“Well, you know, oral but I never actually did it,” he sputtered, face flustered.

“So, let me get this straight,” Castiel mused, a grin on his face. “The man with such an extensive knowledge on sex has never actually had sex. Why?”

“Be-because I was waiting -”

“For what?” Castiel interrupts.

“My soulmate, Cas. Damn it! The pamphlet for the watch clearly says that you’re not supposed to have sex with anyone until you found your soulmate or it could affect the watch,” Dean exclaims, flushed with embarrassment.

Castiel laughed lightly before he cleared his throat. “Well, that’s...highly noble of you, Dean, and unexpected. But clearly that part of the pamphlet is just a warning to stay pure. I mean, it’s obvious that Lisa didn’t follow through with it. She has a kid. And I haven’t been a virgin for over ten years. It was just that one time though. Anyways, you’re the only one that’s waited for your mate.”

Dean turned away from Castiel, crossing his arms angrily.

“Come on, Dean. You shouldn’t be angry. It’s not like -”

“I waited, Cas! There were times where I just wanted to break the rule and do it. But I didn’t because I knew I would meet my soulmate soon. And there were times I craved it, yearned for it, but I never did it! I looked at my family and I saw that they had waited for each other as well. My dad waited for mom. And Sam waited for Jess,” Dean replied, turning to stare at the other seriously. “I waited for you! And the least you could have done was wait for me too. But no, you had to go have sex. Lisa had to have it too!”

Castiel gazed into Dean’s eyes, seeing the pain in them. He winced slightly as he averted Dean’s gaze. Castiel rubbed his hand, feeling where the watch had been.

“I’m so-”

“Who was she?” he asked.

Castiel looked back at Dean, brow quirked.

“The person that made you break the rule. Who was she? Or he?”

Castiel twitched slightly before he huffed, “That’s none of your concern.”

“None of my concern? I think this concerns me very much! I’m possibly your future -”

“Dean, shut up! Instead of badgering me of who my first time was with, you should ask Lisa who got her pregnant? Or do you even care anymore? Why is it always me, me, me?” Castiel snapped back angrily.

Dean stared at Castiel, dumbfounded in what to say. Where words failed him, actions surfaced and took control of Dean. Dean had grabbed the other’s wrist and shook them vigorously. “You had sex with someone once, and I bet you barely knew them. Whereas, you won’t even let me give you a single kiss! After knowing me for over a month!”

Castiel winced as the other shook him vigorously. One of his hands broke free and he used it to punch the other across the face. “I will not be manhandled!” Castiel exclaimed, shuffling away from Dean. “I’ve had enough of those. And don’t you think I regret it? My first time was a mistake. And I wish it was different.”

Dean realized what he had done and said, “Cas, I’m -”

Castiel punched Dean once more, making the other stumble onto the ground. “Sorry? For manhandling me or for making me feel like crap?” he asked. Castiel shuddered before he strode away from the other.

Okay, well, maybe he was a bit rough on Castiel, Dean thinks. Okay. He was rough. But he just wanted to know who the person was. Was that too much to ask? But then again. Castiel said he regretted it. Why did he do it in the first place then? Was it not consensual? Well, great, Castiel managed to make Dean feel like an ass without being here.

Dean sighs softly as he picks up his phone. He calls Balthazar, hoping he was still awake. When the phone clicks, Dean sits up straight.

“Castiel wants to end the trial,” came the response.

“What?” Dean sputters, nearly knocking over his drink.

“What did you do?” Balthazar snaps back.

“Didn’t he tell you?” Dean asks.

“He told me to go to hell. What do you think?” Balthazar replies. “Tell me, boy, or my men will do more harm to your face than what Castiel did.”

“Will you calm down? We were just playing a stupid game which led to me asking who was Cas’s first time,” Dean explains in short.

There came a groan from the other line. “You stupid monkey. I don’t know why Castiel’s watch stopped on you. It must have been defective at the time.”

“What? Please, tell me I didn’t trigger something.”

“Well, you’re smart at times. But unfortunately, you did. Castiel’s first time...was a mistake.”

“Yes, I know that bit. Let’s skip the punching bit and tell me what happened exactly.”

“No. I’m afraid I can’t do that. Castiel has to tell you himself or none at all. I cannot and will not go behind my cousin’s back,” Balthazar explained.

Dean sighs softly as he looks up at the ceiling as if praying. “What should I do? He doesn’t want to see me,” Dean answers.

“Just let him simmer down. And he’ll go to you when he’s ready. Dean, will you please stop triggering Cas? First his father, now this. Are you trying to hurt him?”

“No!” Dean protested. “I care about him. Okay? And I would never try to intentionally hurt Cas. I-I didn’t mean to hurt him. I’m sorry.”

“Why are you apologizing to me for? I’m not the one you wronged. Tell him tomorrow,” Balthazar answers.

“Tomorrow? I thought you said I needed to let him cool off for a while,” Dean replies.

“I did, but you also don’t have a lot of time left. The trial is nearing its end and you cannot afford to have anymore fights with Castiel,” Balthazar explains.

Dean nods silently before he says, “Okay. Thank you, Balth.”

“But break his heart one more time and I’ll cut your neck open!” Balthazar replies, hanging up.

Dean sighs as he tosses his phone to the side. He covers his face with his hand. Why was he such an idiot? Dean was single-handedly ruining this relationship himself.

****

Dean slips on his coat and walks towards his door. The minute he opens his, he comes face to face with Castiel. He jumps back, unexpecting the appearance.

“Cas, what’re you -”

“May I come inside?” he asks softly.

“I don’t know. Are you planning on hitting me again?” Dean questions, a small smile playing on his lips.

Castiel grins faintly before he answers, “Most likely.”

“Then come in,” Dean says, moving aside.

Castiel chuckles softly as he makes his way inside, looking around. It was the first time he’s been in Dean’s condo. “I like it,” he compliments.

“Thank you. Though I would redecorate the place if I had the choice,” Dean answers.

Castiel manages a smile and nods. “As expected,” he mumbles. “Listen, I came here to apologize -”

“Apologize?” Dean questions, confused by the response.

Castiel nods. “Yes, I acted rashly on you earlier and I hit you. I’m sorry,” he answers.

Dean feels sick immediately before he shakes his head. “Cas, you had every right to hit me. I was the one who was out of line here. I manhandled you! And I am really sorry. I kept on pressuring you to tell me something very personal to you. This was my fault. Not yours,” Dean explains, sitting on the couch.

Castiel stands silently, rubbing his arm. “But still -”

“There’s not but or still, Cas. I was at fault. And I will take the entire blame for today's events,” he answers.

Castiel nods silently. “Sorry, it’s just that. Whatever happens is usually my fault. You can say that it was thrust upon me by force,” he mumbles weakly.

Dean grimaces as he remembers Castiel’s father. He shakes the thought away as he pats the empty seat beside him invitingly. Castiel manages a smile as he sits beside Dean.

After a moment of silence, Castiel looks down at his hands, which are clasped together, and fiddles with them. He sighs softly. “Her name was Meg.”

Dean quirks a brow as he hears the other speak. He turns towards Castiel and asks, “Who?”

“My first time. The person who I did it with was Meg,” he answers.

Dean shakes his head. “Cas, you really don’t have to tell me. I don’t want you to feel obligated or pressured into telling me.”

“You have to know. If we do end up together, I don’t want any secrets from each other,” Castiel replies, turning to stare at the other.

Dean nods his head silently as he licks his lips.

“It was more than ten years ago when I met her. I didn’t have a watch then. I didn’t believe in meeting your future soulmate and having a happily ever after. I just didn’t see it then. I was going to be twenty in a few months, so I was naive. I was walking by Soulmate Fountain when a woman bumped into me.”

“And her name was Meg?” Dean asks, quirking a brow.

Castiel nods his head lightly. “She looked dazed and then her expression widened. I didn’t know why until I watched her watch flash yellow. She turned to look at me and she smiled genuinely. She looked so-so honest that I believed that she was my soulmate. I don’t know. I guess I just wanted to believe that there was someone out there for me. Someone who wasn’t going to hurt me. Anyways, we talked in a restaurant. And before I knew it, I had fallen in love with her. Or what I thought was love. After a few drinks, I went over to her place, a motel room, and we --- Well, you obviously know the rest. It all happened too quickly. And I was just so desperate to be happy that I fooled myself into falling into a trap.”

“So, what happened?” Dean asks, voice thick.

“When I woke up the next day, Meg Masters was gone. I looked for her everywhere, believe me, but I couldn’t find her. So I went to Balthazar and asked him to track her since the chip doesn’t disappear after two months,” Castiel continues.

“And what did the search come up with?” Dean questions.

“Nothing.”

“What?”

“When the search came up, there was no registration under Meg Masters. In fact, Meg Masters didn’t even exist. Finally, someone recognized the name and told me that there was a woman conning men who didn’t have watches into thinking they were her soulmate with a fake watch. I should’ve known. Her watch flashed yellow, not green,” Castiel explains. “She conned me just like the rest of them. And I was just as desperate as them to find their mate.”

Dean inhales deeply as he hears Castiel finish. Before Dean could reply, Castiel spoke.

“Balthazar was...deeply upset by what happened to me. And he forced me to wear the watch. But instead of flashing blue, it flashed red. Do you know what red means, Dean?” Castiel questions, desperation seething through his words.

Dean knew more than ever what red meant. He nods. “Yes, it means that your soulmate is either dead or you don’t have one.”

Castiel nods his head. “So, how do you think I would feel seeing my watch flash red when I was just conned for love?” Castiel asks.

Dean shifts uncomfortably.

“You know, there’s another reason why the watch flashes red, Balthazar told me. If you barely got the watch and you’re not a virgin, it flashes red to show humiliation. Humiliation that you didn’t wait for your soulmate to have sex. It’ll still work just that it’ll take longer to find your soulmate, of course, but that’s the price you’ll have to pay for not being truthful,” Castiel explains. “For two weeks, I was embarrassed. But then again, for those two weeks, I was scared that I did, in fact, not have a soulmate or I thought they died. It was absolutely awful.”

Dean’s eyes widened as he realizes something. Two weeks. It took two weeks for Castiel to get his watch to work. Just like his watch...

“Cas, did you say it was ten years ago?” Dean asks.

“Give or take,” Castiel replies softly, looking down at his hands.

Wait, but if that explains why his watch flashed red, then who’s watch was Dean’s counting for before? Confusion etched its way into Dean. At last, he turns his attention to Castiel, who looked hurt.

“Cas, you shouldn’t be too hard on yourself,” Dean answers. “Everyone gets caught up in wanting a soulmate. And in the midst of hope, lust, and desperation comes blindness. You didn’t know, and you shouldn’t be hating yourself because of it, okay?” Dean reaches for Castiel’s hand and takes it in his own hand, rubbing circles on it.

Castiel looks at Dean before he nods his head gently. He scoots closer to Dean, resting his head against Dean’s shoulder. Dean smiles faintly as he wraps his arm around Castiel.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Like I wrote on FF, I will not update Countdown until June fifth due to scheduling problems.

**Chapter Eleven**

**In Times of Trial**

Lisa crosses her arms angrily as she stares at Dean in disbelief. “You’re kidding me, right?” she asks demandingly.

Dean quirks a brow, fazed by her behavior. He shook his head slowly as he slurs, “No.”

Lisa huffs in annoyance as she throws her hands in the air. “I have tried to be on my best behavior, and I bit my tongue when I wanted to protest but no more! Dean, this has gotten out of hand.”

Dean stares at Lisa, puzzled what he had done to receive such a behavior. “Lisa, I don’t understand -”

“Of course you don’t! I’m talking about Cas, here, Dean. You are spending more time with him than with me. I only see you for thirty minutes, or less, before you spend the rest of your time with him! And now you’re telling me that you’re taking him to a hotel for god knows how many days?! That’s just...unfair,” Lisa explains, voice wavering silently.

Dean’s silent for a few moments before he whispers, “Lisa, relax. I’m just taking him out for a few days so he can take some things off his chest.”

“Oh, please! He’s practically guilt-tripping you to stay with him. It’s his guilt-tripping that you’re going to pick him at the end of -”

“Lisa, enough!” Dean hollers, making her jump back. “I won’t stand here and let you insult him. You don’t even know what he’s been through. And you would take every word you just said back if you knew -”

“Just stop,” Lisa exclaims, voice thick. “Stop it. Go. Go have fun with Cas for a couple of days. Go and pick him at the end of the trial too!”

“I don’t even know who I’m going to pick, Lisa -”

Lisa scoffs as she picks up her coat, slipping it on. “Dean, I think you’ve made it clear who you’re going to pick,” she sniffles.

Dean sighs softly as he grabs Lisa’s elbow. “Please, don’t do this to me, Lisa -”

“Let go of me!” Lisa snaps back, a tear rolling down her cheek. “Good luck, Dean. I wish you and Cas the best.”

Dean watches as Lisa slams the door shut. He hears his phone ring, but lets it continue to ring. Balthazar’s words echoed in his mind. He has less than a few weeks to pick between Lisa or Castiel. And yet when he tries to think of one, his mind goes blank. Dean runs a hand through his hair before he rummages through his pocket, taking out his phone. Great. His boss.

****

Castiel’s washing the dishes as he hears a knock on his door. He sets the plate down and grabs a towel, drying his hands. He strides toward the door and checks the peephole to see who it was. Dean. A soft smile plays on his lips as he opens the door.

“You’re here early,” Castiel says, stepping aside so Dean can come in. “Did your boss let you leave early?”

Dean nods silently as he sits on the couch. He rubs his jaw.

“Dean, are you okay?” Castiel asks, walking in front of him.

“Why does everyone want to know how I’m doing?” he snaps back. “Dean, this. Dean that. Dean, what’s your decision? Dean, why this? Why can’t I be left alone?”

Castiel had jumped slightly as he heard the other yell. When he thought he was done fuming, he sat beside Dean. “I’m sorry I asked. But if you want to talk about it, I’m here, you know. And if you don’t want to talk about it, then we can just sit here in silence,” he answers.

Dean sighs softly as he shakes his head slowly, placing his head in his hands. “I’m sorry, Cas,” he mumbles weakly. “I didn’t mean to... Lately, I’ve been feeling really pressured, and I don’t know what to do.”

Castiel nods silently. “Well, if you’re feeling so stressed about it, then you need to get away for a couple of days. Maybe spending a moment where you won’t be badgered for once will relax you,” he explains. “You know, maybe you should go to the Marriott alone -”

“No!” Dean replies. “I did this for you, not for me.”

Castiel smiles faintly before he nods. “I know but you can be selfish sometimes too.”

“Oh, believe me, Cas. I am a selfish person. How you haven’t caught on is beyond me,” Dean explains, a smile forming on his face.

Castiel laughs as he rises from the couch. “And there’s the smile. Well, now that you’re done sulking, I’m going to get my stuff.”

Dean rolls his eyes as he mumbles, “Jerk.”

Castiel goes up the stairs and disappears into his room. He returns a few moments later with a luggage in hand.

“Just one?” Dean asks.

“That’s all I need,” Castiel answers. “Why? How much did you bring?”

Dean wavers slightly as he chuckles embarrassingly, “Just oneortwookaythree.”

“Three?” Castiel exclaims. “Why do you need three bags? We’re only staying there for three days.”

“You know the saying: a man needs to bring his house with him when he’s away from home,” Dean answers.

Castiel pretends to ponder for a moment before he bluntly replies, “Nope, I don’t think I do.”

“Shut up,” Dean says, when he sees Castiel’s smirk.

****

“Mr. Roché, was that correct?” the man behind the desk asks.

Castiel nods silently.

“Two beds and a bathroom, right?” he questions.

Castiel nods once more again.

“Okay, here’s your card, sir. And enjoy your stay at the Marriott Hotel,” the man replies.

“Thank you,” Castiel replies, taking the card.

The two take the elevator and make their way to their room. Castiel inserts the card and opens the door. Dean looks in awe at the room.

“It’s so...yellow,” Dean replies.

“You know, there is no pleasing you,” Castiel answers.

Dean rolls his eyes at Castiel, but something catches his eyes. Chocolates. His face lightens as he walks towards the chocolates. Dean picks a piece up and eats it, humming in approval. Castiel sees this and attempts to grab a piece before Dean smacks his hand away.

“No,” Dean says, moving the box away from Castiel.

“Really, Dean?” Castiel asks. “Come on, let me have a piece!”

“No.”

Castiel huffs in annoyance as he grabs his coat, slipping it on. “I’ll buy my own damn chocolate,” he murmurs as he closes the door.

Dean quirks a brow, unsuspecting the other’s reaction. He was going to give him some. Dean was just teasing the other. He sets the box down and walks towards the door. He groans softly as he marches back and takes another piece of chocolate before storming out of the room.

Castiel was walking down the hall when he hears his name being called. But he ignores the call and continues striding down the stairs. He felt like an idiot for walking out of the room just because of a box of chocolates, but since he was out, he might as well explore and buy some things.

Castiel was searching his pockets, looking to see if he had any money on him. The moment his eyes shifted their attention to his trench pockets, he bumps into someone.

“I’m so sorry,” Castiel says, turning his attention to the stranger. “I wasn’t -” Castiel’s slurs his response before he stops what he was saying. He stares at the red headed woman in horror, who simply offers an innocent smile.

“Castiel?” the woman asks. “Is that really you?”

Castiel simply stares, unable to formulate a decent thought. The moment he found words in him, he utters, “Anna, what are you doing here?”

Anna looks hurt by the response before she answers, “I just happened to be here. I had no way of knowing you’d be here.”

“Small world, isn’t it?” he replies back thickly.

Castiel attempts to back away from her before Anna clasps his hands. “Cas, I’ve missed you so much. I - How have you been?” she says.

Castiel stared at his arm as if it’s been poisoned. “I’ve been managing,” he stutters.

“That’s good to know,” she replies. “Listen, Cas, I know things between us are rough and strained because of your past. But we are, afterall, siblings. And I would love it if we could form bonds between the two of us. I see how Gabriel and you are close, and I want us to be close as well.”

Castiel managed to remove his arm from Anna before he stammers, “I understand, Anna.”

Anna forms a small smile before she nods. “Thank you, Castiel.”

Castiel looks down at Anna before he hears pattering of feet in front of him. He catches the stranger’s face and immediately withdraws himself.

“That’ll be enough, Anna,” says the voice.

Castiel looks at Anna, betrayal etched upon his features. Anna matches his gaze, the words I’m sorry written in her eyes. She averts his gaze before she walks past him. Castiel stands his ground, paralyzed. As his father approached, he wanted to scream and run away but his body betrayed him as well.

“It’s been a long time since I’ve seen your face, Castiel,” his father began. “Almost didn’t recognize you if it wasn’t for Anna. It’s been - what? - fifteen years since I’ve seen you?"

“Thirteen,” Castiel shudders.

“Thirteen? It feels like so many years have passed,” his father answers, stopping before the other. He signs in disdain. “The years that I have missed with you. We have so much to catch up on.”

Castiel scoffs at him. “Like the beatings? Is that one of them that we need to catch up?”

His father looks hurt. “You say it like I abused you. No, Castiel, if anything, I was helping you. To repent, Castiel. Since you were born, you were a sin. You committed murder. You killed your mother, Castiel. That’s a sin, murder.”

“I never killed my mother,” Castiel protested.

“Castiel, it seems to me like you’re not acknowledging your sins. And you know what happens when you don’t repent.” Foltern answers.

A shiver crept down Castiel’s back as he hears his father’s words. No. He’s wrong. Dean told him. Right?

****

“Cas, where the hell are you?” Dean asks, walking down the stairs. “I was kidding about the chocolates! Dammit.”

Dean sees a woman leaning against the wall, tears rolling down her eyes. He quirks a brow before he approaches her. “Excuse me, but what’s wrong?” he asks.

The woman, Anna, looks up at Dean, shaking her head. “I didn’t want to do it,” she whispers. “But he forced me to do it. If not, he would’ve-would’ve -” She breaks down and covers her face.

“Hey, hey, now. Breathe. Tell me what’s going on. Maybe I can fix it,” Dean replies.

Anna shakes her head slowly. “It can’t be fixed. He’s going to hurt him and it’s all my fault!” she exclaims. She looks at Dean in new light. “Please,” she says, grabbing his arms, “you have to help him. You have to help him before my father hurts Castiel!”

Dean’s eyes widened as he stares at the woman. She must be Anna. Then that means... “Show me where he is! I need to know where he is,” Dean answers, voice quivering with worry.

Anna’s afraid of the change in atmosphere, but nevertheless, she nods her head. She slowly shows Dean where Castiel is.

****

“You have blood on your hands, Castiel,” Foltern yells, shaking Castiel’s wrists.

Castiels trembles in the other’s hold. And right when Castiel was going to start repenting, he remembers what Dean told him. With all those beatings, he left you a scar. He’s convinced you that you did something when you didn’t. And it’s not your fault, Cas.

“My mother’s death was not my fault!” Castiel exclaims, freeing his wrists from his father’s grasp. “And I feel no guilt whatsoever.”

The minute Castiel finished his sentence, Foltern pushes Castiel to the ground. He grabs the other’s shirt and hauls him to his knees. Foltern balls his hand into a fist. He aims his fist towards Castiel’s face.

“Don’t you dare lay a hand on him or it’ll be the last thing you’ll do!” Dean exclaims, rushing towards at them both.

Foltern stops, his fist midair, glaring at Dean for interrupting his business. Dean ignores the man and grabs Castiel’s arm, dragging him behind him.

“This matter has nothing to do with you!” Foltern snaps back, seeing as Dean took Castiel from him. “I’ve got business that must be finished.”

“I have every right to be in this matter!” Dean says through gritted teeth.

Dean turns his attention to Castiel, checking to see if he was all right. “Are you alright?” he asks softly.

Castiel trembles even though it’s Dean talking to him.

Dean’s skin burns as he sees Castiel’s response. He glares back at Foltern. “You are never going to lay another hand on him again,” Dean says. “He’s suffered enough by your hand. So why torment him more?”

“It is none of your business,” Foltern repeats.

“It is my fucking business!” Dean exclaims. “I’m his family.”

Foltern laughs as he shakes his head. “I find that hard to believe. Are you being threatened by Balthazar or paid off by him?” he asks, mocking the other. “No, you don’t understand, boy. Castiel has no family. He has no friends. Without me, he will always be alone. He’ll be by himself for the rest of his life. He will die unloved.”

Anger seethes into Dean as he listens to Castiel’s father. He wants to laugh, but as he turns to see Castiel, he sees his expression. Castiel looks like Foltern said the truth, and now, pain etched his features.

“Bull shit!” Dean exclaims, grabbing Castiel’s hand and entwining his fingers with Castiel’s. “He doesn’t need you anymore. Because Cas has me.”

Castiel turns to stare at the other, a mixture of hope, pain, and disbelief exposing in his gaze. Castiel wanted to believe Dean, but he was going to pick Lisa at the end of the trial. He knew that for sure.

Dean sees the pain in the other’s eyes and he grunts in annoyance. He lowers his head so that their foreheads were touching. He stares into Castiel’s eyes before Dean kisses Castiel.

Anna looks at the two in surprise, blinking blankly. So, that was Castiel’s soulmate? She smiles faintly before she sees her father’s expression. His face seemed to twist even more.

“So, this is your soulmate, Castiel?” his father asks. “What a monstrosity. But I should have seen it coming. After all, since you are full of sin, your marriage should also be a sin.”

Castiel’s grip on Dean’s hand tightens, and Dean simply rubs circles on his palm. “Your soulmate isn’t based on sex and romance. A soulmate is someone you can trust and love and care for. A soulmate is not someone you can categorize as a man or a woman. And it’s time for people like you to realize that,” Dean explains. “But you never will. And people like you are worse than scum. You’re a lost cause. And I’m done with you. Come on, Cas. Let’s go.”

Dean has to practically drag Castiel away from the scene. He makes sure no one’s following them before he locks the door. Castiel was sitting on the edge of the bed, clasping his fingers.

“Are you alright?” Dean asks, watching as the other remained motionless.

He sighs when Castiel shakes his head slowly. “I’m sorry, Cas. I should’ve just given you the chocolates. If I hadn’t been teasing you, you wouldn’t have left and -”

“Why did you do that?” Castiel asks, turning to stare at Dean.

Dean quirks a brow. “Do what?”

“Why did you tell my father we were soulmates when we’re not even together?”

Well, that hurt more than it should. Dean could feel something gnaw at him when Castiel finished his response. “Cas, we are soulmates,” Dean says.

“No, we’re not. That’s why we’re in this mess in the first place. It’s because you don’t know who is your soulmate,” Castiel explains.

“This mess?” Dean questions. “Is that what you think this trial is? Cas, please don’t tell me this whole time, it’s only been one-sided.”

Castiel stared at Dean before he shakes his head slowly.

“Good,” Dean answers, sitting next to Castiel. “So, stop thinking stupid things.”

Soon, Dean packs their bags and checks out of the hotel, driving Castiel back to his condo. Once Dean made sure Castiel was asleep, he calls Balthazar and explains the earlier events.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: It’s a day earlier than I said, but I found the time. Thank you for being so patient with me. So, what questions would you like to have answered by the end of the story? Besides the fact who’ll Dean end up with.

**Chapter Twelve**

**“You Will Find Him Next to Me”**

Dean was in an unsettling situation at the moment. His boss had called him in and was scolding him for being conscientious about his vacation days. Dean’s boss was bewildered when he saw him return the next day and was angry that he had already paid for a temporary replacement. To end his boss’s badgerings, Dean vowed to pay the fee that was used to pay for a temporary replacement. But by the end of the lecture, Dean was in no mood to be near or around people.

So, here was the elder Winchester, fuming in his car as he drove back to his condo. Dean hears his phone ring but lets it go to voicemail. But his phone would resume ringing a few minutes later, only aggravating the Winchester. After the fifth time the phone rang, Dean answers the phone.

He says with a gruff, “What is it?”

There was a startled ‘oh’ before Lisa whispers, “I- Dean, I would like to apologize for the way I behaved yesterday. I was just - I don’t know - tired and annoyed that you didn’t spend time with me. I felt neglected.”

Dean patiently listens to Lisa, sighing softly when she finishes. “Lisa, now’s not really the best time for this -”

“Dean, I’m trying to make amends between the two of us, but you’re just pushing me away. I’m feeling a little abused here,” she replies.

“Lisa, I understand your feelings. But can’t we just discuss it sometime later?” he asks.

“Why? Are you too busy to even talk to me on the phone?” she questions, voice rising.

“What? Li-”

“Cassiel’s there, isn’t he?” she says. “Jesus, is there even a time where you’re not with him?”

“It’s Castiel, Lisa. After more than a month and a half, I would have expected you to learn his name by now,” Dean answers, temper rising by the second. “And no. I’m in my car alone. He’s not even with me. He’s at his home, sleeping or whatever the hell he’s doing at this time. Lisa, this is getting outta hand here, and I’m not in the mood to deal with your issues.”

“Dean, wait, I’m sorry. Just...let me come over so we can discuss things properly,” she replies desperately.

“Lisa, I just can’t right now. I’m sorry,” Dean says, ending the call and tossing his phone to the passenger side.

Dean parks his car in his reserved spot and slams the door shut. As he walks up the stairs to his room, he shuffles through his pockets, looking for his keys. Once he finds them, he grabs them and inserts the correct key into the door, making his way inside his condo. He shuts the door gently as he stretches.

Dean quirks a brow as he realizes the lights were on. “The hell?” he whispers. He explores inside his condo, confused why the lights were on. Did Castiel forget to turn off the lights after he left? Oh, Dean could imagine how much money this was going to cost him.

The Winchester’s thoughts were broken when he heard a noise coming from the kitchen. Robbers? No, what kind of idiot would leave the lights on? His sense of smell was captivated without alert. A soft smile played on Dean’s face. Whatever it was, it smelled delicious. Dean made his way to the kitchen where he found Castiel toasting some buns.

“Cas, what the hell are you still doing here?” he questions, looking at Castiel and the food.

“Is it ten already?” Castiel asks, shifting around to look for the clock. “Shit,” he answers, staring at the clock. “Time really flew by. You weren’t supposed to see this until I was done.”

“Did you make all of this?” Dean asks.

Castiel nods. “Well, I didn’t make the meat myself nor did I make the condiments,” he says, going to the sink and washing his hands.

“Why? I mean, I appreciate it, but you didn’t have to do something like this,” Dean answers.

“I wanted to,” Castiel replies, drying his hands with a towel. He turns to stare at the other.“I mean, you’ve done so much for me, it’s the least I can do. It’s not much though. Just hamburgers.”

“Not much?” Dean asks, looking at Castiel as if he just said a swear. “Do you know when was the last time someone cooked or made something for me? This is more than much,” he answers.

Castiel cracks a smile as he goes back to ready the burgers. He sees Dean still staring at him and scoffs. He physically shoos off Dean.

“What’re you doing?” Dean asks.

“Go wash your hands and set the table. Food’s almost ready,” Castiel replies, shoving Dean away from the kitchen.

Dean manages a laugh before he makes his way towards the bathroom, shaking his head lightly. It wasn’t until he set the table that he realized he wasn’t angry anymore. Well, that was a relief.

Castiel appears by the table, setting down the burgers. He disappears moments later and returns with soda in hand, setting it on the table. By the time Castiel sits down, Dean takes a bite out of the burger, nodding in approval.

“Oh, be honest,” Castiel snaps. “Criticism, I need it. What’s wrong with it?”

Dean stares at Castiel as if he grew two heads. He shakes his head lightly before he answers, “Nothing.”

“Oh, come on. There has to be something wrong with it.”

“Fine, there’s too much ketchup,” Dean teases.

“I knew it,” Castiel replies, looking annoyed at himself.

Dean laughs before he shakes his head. “There’s just no pleasing you, isn’t there?”

Castiel rolls his eyes, taking a bite out of his burger.

After a moment of silence, Castiel asks, “How was work?”

Flashes of today’s events burned into the elder Winchester, and he grumbles in annoyance.

“Not good, eh?” Castiel answers. “Yeah, Balthazar wouldn’t stop bothering me about moving on the phone today.”

“Moving?” Dean asks, turning to stare at Castiel.

“He wants me to leave Kansas because of Foltern. When he found out Foltern found me with you yesterday, Balthazar was concerned about my safety. He thinks that Foltern now knows where I am exactly and is coming out to get me,” Castiel explains somberly.

“Well, what did you do?” Dean asks.

“I told Balthazar to buy tickets to Illinois and we’ll fake me going there. Because if Foltern is tracking me through Balthazar, then it’s better to make him think I’m leaving Kansas,” Castiel says.

Dean nods in approval before he questions, “But aren’t you afraid that Foltern won’t see through your ruse? I mean, this is your life we’re talking about.”

“I am. I’m terrified. But I have formed so many bonds here that I can’t just leave. Besides, I can’t let him rule my life any longer,” Castiel answers.

“Looks like your day’s worse than mine,” Dean says.

“What happened to you?” Castiel asks.

“My boss was being a dick because I said I was leaving for three days. So, when I came back, I cost him money for a temporary replacement,” Dean answers, sighing from the memory.

Castiel purses his lips before he nods. “I understand that feeling. You must be stressed,” Castiel replies.

“Yeah, no, kidding,” Dean says, finishing his burger.

“Let me give you a massage,” Castiel answers, rising from his seat and walking behind the other.

“What? No, I don’t trust people -”

“Don’t be a baby,” Castiel interrupts. “Do you trust me?”

“Well, yeah, but -”

“Then shut up and relax,” Castiel answers. “I took a class for massages.”

Dean rolls his eyes as he lets the other rub circles on his back. For a moment, Dean felt nothing but pressure being added to his already-tired muscles. But soon, he felt his muscles loosen, which causes Dean to hum in approval.

Castiel smiles before he says, “I thought you didn’t want one.”

“Shut up,” Dean answers, managing a smile.

He leans back on the chair, letting the other massage him. After a moment, Castiel moved his hands so he could touch Dean’s skin, wanting to loosen more of Dean’s muscles directly. When he heard no remark by Dean, Castiel continued his task, rubbing circles on his shoulder blades. A groan escapes Dean’s lips and he says, “Right there. There!”

Castiel does what Dean asks and continues to press against the area.

“Cas, are you God?” Dean exclaims, looking up at Castiel.

Castiel chuckles softly before he says, “That's a nice compliment. But no.”

Dean laughs as he moves Castiel’s hands away. He shifts so that he could meet the other’s gaze.

“What?” Castiel asks, seeing the other gaze at him. “Do I have something in my hair?”

Dean smiles before he answers, “No, it’s just...” Dean looks at the ground, almost embarrassed to say what he was thinking. “Cas, can I kiss you?” he asks, meeting the other’s gaze.

Castiel blinks blankly at the older Winchester, mind going dumb. When he finally found what to say, from all the thoughts that crossed his mind all he could utter was, “What?”

Dean bites his cheek before he answers, “I mean, I’ve only kissed you twice this whole time. And well -”

“I understand,” Castiel whispers, voice thick.

A moment of silence occurred. But when the silence drags on to an uncomfortable state, Dean says, “So...?”

Castiel hesitates before he answers, “Okay.”

Dean was surprised when he heard Castiel give him permission. He’s stuck to his seat for a moment before he rises from his seat and pushes the chair in. He stares at Castiel, nervous to lay a finger on him, before he hesitantly cups the other’s face, feeling Castiel’s stubbled face. Dean notices how the other clenched his jaw. Worry? Was the fact he was hesitating worrying Castiel? Dean didn’t want to think anymore of it, so he leaned towards Castiel, pressing their lips into a chaste kiss. Dean was surprised when he realized just how soft Castiel’s lips were.

When he needed to breathe, Dean breaks away, his face still inches away from Castiel. He gazes at Castiel, seeing the low flush creep onto his face. Dean manages a smile before he chuckles. Castiel notices and turns away from him, feeling embarrassed.

Dean uses his index finger and thumb to turn Castiel’s face back to him. Castiel stared at Dean through half-lidded eyes. Without warning, the elder Winchester latched their mouths together again, the kiss feeling different this time, more urgent and persistent. Castiel was dumbfounded by the second kiss, but with slow hesitation, he lays his hands on Dean’s chest before moving them around his neck as if urging Dean on. He could hear the thumping of his heart through his ribcage, or was that Dean’s heart he was hearing?

After a sudden intake of breath, Dean pushes Castiel gently against the wall, breaking the kiss for a second before he captures Castiel’s mouth in his own. Dean grabbed Castiel’s hips, summoning him closer to him. A sudden bite from Castiel’s lower lip causes Castiel to shudder a groan, which gave the Winchester a chance to explore his mouth.

Another moan escapes Castiel’s lips as he feels Dean’s tongue entwining with his own. Castiel tilts his head, deepening the kiss, nails digging into the back of Dean’s neck, leaving marks.

A sickening thought pops into Dean’s mind, forcing him to break the kiss. A shuddery whimper escapes Castiel’s mouth involuntarily.  

“I’m sorry,” Dean shudders, trying to shake his thoughts out of his head.

Castiel stared up at the other, unsure how to reply. He looks at Dean’s mouth before he meets his eyes once more. “No, it’s -”

“Cas, I can’t because if I do, it’ll turn to more than just a kiss. And I don’t want it to. Not yet, at least. And I care and respect you too much to treat you in that manner.”

Castiel was surprised to hear Dean’s response. He blinks blankly, staring at Dean’s chest before saying, “I trust you.”

“Cas, that makes one of us. But when it comes between us, there’s an urge I have towards you. And I just want to be able to kiss you without getting weird thoughts,” Dean explains, running a hand through his hair. He moves away from Castiel, pacing around the room.

Castiel looks down at the ground before he walks towards the living room.

Dean figures he’s going to leave and sighs regrettably.

Castiel plops onto the couch, thinking over whether he was making a smart move or he was being an idiot again. Before he has time to change his mind, he hears himself saying, “Well, what’re you waiting for?”

Dean turns his head towards the doorway before walking through it, finding Castiel on the couch. He quirks a brow, confused what Castiel was doing. “What?” he asks.

Castiel hesitates before he answers, “I trust that you won’t do anything ‘weird’ if we continue where we left off.”

Dean stares at Castiel as if he just asked to marry him. He asks, “Do you have any idea what you’re saying?”

Castiel nods his head slowly. Castiel looks at the couch before patting the empty space beside him. Dean feels a flush creep on his face as he makes his way towards the couch, heart racing like a jackhammer. He sits besides Castiel before he meets his gaze. For a moment, it’s silent and they’re just staring at each other. Dean’s asking with his eyes if he was sure he wanted to do this, and Castiel agreeing in return. Then, Dean closes the remaining gap between the two.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Do you have any idea just how hard it was for me to write this last scene? This was farrrr beyond my comfort zone of writing, but alas, it had to be done since it’s part of the plot. Please, please, be kind to the kiss scene. I know the scene sucked but it was the first one I wrote. Ever. Be kind, kudasi! 
> 
> Also, the title is named after the song by Emeli Sande. I’m so in love with the song at the moment and I figured this chapter sort of resembles the song.
> 
> Lastly, when the story ends, which is in possibly five chapters from now, I would like to know if you all can help me pick which of the four stories I have in mind to write next. Please? All of the four stories are destiel related. And I can’t choose which to pick. Thank you. And I will provide information on the four stories on the last chapter of Countdown.


	14. Chapter 14

**A/N: I think I need to stop putting song titles as my chapter titles.**

**Chapter Thirteen**

**“No Light, No Light”**

Dean rolls over from the couch, finding the spot beside him empty. He quirks a brow as he shifts out of the couch. Immediately, he hears a door open and he walks in the direction of the door. He finds Castiel walking out of the door, drying his hair with a towel.

“Sorry, did I wake you?” Castiel asks, seeing the state Dean was in.

Dean cracks a smile before he shakes his head slowly. “I just woke up,” he answers, grabbing the towel from Castiel’s hands and scrubbing his hair with it. “Do you need anything?” Dean asks. “I can make us something.”

Castiel shakes his head slightly before he answers, “I’ve got to go to work.”

Dean feigns a pout before he wraps his arms around Castiel’s waist. He rests his head against Castiel’s head. “Do you have to go?” he whispers.

Castiel sighs before he tries to push Dean off of him. “I do. Balthazar will kill me if I don’t go,” Castiel explains. “We still need to settle the issue of Foltern.”

Dean groans irritably before he unwraps his arms from Castiel. “Can I see you tonight then?”

Castiel ponders for a moment before he says, “Can’t. I’ve got to go to California to do a presentation. I won’t be back until Thursday.”

Dean mutters angrily, which causes Castiel to smile. He shuffles forward and kisses Dean’s cheek. “I made pie yesterday. It’s in the fridge.”

Dean’s mood changes considerably as he hears his favorite food and asks, “What flavor?”

“Apple,” Castiel answers.

“You sure know how to please a man,” Dean says, wrapping his arms around Castiel and planting chaste kisses on his lips.

Castiel blushes as Dean kisses him. With much effort, Castiel shrugs off Dean. “Dean, I mean it. I have to go. Please.”

Dean grunts in annoyance as he releases Castiel. “Fine,” he mutters.

“I’ll see you on Thursday,” Castiel says, slipping on his coat.

As Castiel approaches the door, Dean says, “I’ll walk you out.”

Castiel smiles as he waits for the other. They both walk down the stairs, avoiding the elevator just so they could prolong their time together. Once they reached the exist, Dean grabs Castiel again, planting kisses wherever they landed. Castiel chuckles softly as he tries to push away from Dean, failing in doing so. Castiel wraps his arms around Dean’s neck and kisses Dean’s lips, feeling the soft moisture of his lips.

Castiel breaks away from Dean, biting his lower lip. “I need to go,” he says, saying goodbye to Dean before he walks out the door.

Dean watches him before he follows Castiel, grabbing his arm and kissing him again. Castiel was surprised when the other had kissed him. They were in public. Did Dean no longer care? The lightness in Castiel’s chest grew heavy. Dean moves away from Castiel, staring down at him. “Call me when you arrive in California.”

Castiel smiles faintly as he nods his head. “Okay,” he answers. He gets a taxi and slides into the car, watching Dean’s image before it disappeared as they turned a corner.

Dean sighs as he licks his lips, still feeling the traces of Castiel’s mouth. He makes his way back inside the condo, going to his room.

Lisa was starstruck in her car as she watched the scene before her. Did Dean just kiss ---? She had driven to Dean’s condo to discuss their issues when she noticed Castiel walking out of the building with Dean. Her heart was heavy and each beat it made ached her chest. Lisa turned on the car, following the taxi Castiel was in. Tears streamed down her face as she remembered the event.

What could she do? What could she do? She was losing Dean. She was losing her soulmate to another. What could she do to make him fall in love with her again? Did Dean even love her to begin with? The thought seeped into Lisa’s conscience, tormenting her.

By the time the taxi rolled to a stop by Castiel’s home, Lisa’s mental state was gone. Castiel had asked the taxi to wait for him until he returned.

Lisa parked the car, waiting in her seat. What was she going to do? She needed to do something. If not, she was going to lose him.

Castiel pulls off his clothes, looking for his uniform. He finds a white button down and goes to put it on when he finds a purple bruise on his shoulder. He scrunches his brows as he looks at himself in the mirror, seeing he was covered in purple bruises from neck to chest. Instantly, he’s reminded of last night’s events and the color in his cheeks return. They hadn’t had sex though they were close to. Castiel was stripped to his boxers and when he looked up at Dean, he could have sworn he was going to take him by the look on his eyes. Castiel moves away from the mirror, trying to compose himself. He slips on his clothes and sets up his luggage.

Once he was done, Castiel goes down the stairs. The minute he opens the door, he finds Lisa in the doorway, tears rolling down her eyes. Castiel quirks a brow, surprised to see her state.

“Lisa, are you -”

“Are you happy?” she finally says. “You took Dean away from me and now he won’t even bat an eye at me. Dean was supposed to be with me, Castiel! I can help him. I can do so much for him. He wasn’t supposed to fall in love with you, Cas. You’re a guy, that’s the problem.

What exactly can you do for him, Castiel? You can’t provide for him. You can’t give him the one thing that he wants so desperately. He wants a family, Castiel. Children. You can’t give him that. I have Ben and Dean loves him. I can give him children. We can be a family. And you’re in the way of that. Tell me, Castiel, what can you provide for him? Huh? Just romance isn’t going to be enough for Dean. So, please, stop it! Give him back to me,” Lisa explains through violent sobs.

Castiel’s expression wavers as he stares at Lisa. What can he do for Dean, exactly? The weight in his chest increased, aching his body with each beat. He shakes his head as he moves past the sobbing Lisa, entering the taxi. It took a moment before Castiel told the driver to take him to his work.

****

Dean had waited all day, waiting for Castiel to call that he landed. But the call never came. All the times the Winchester dialed Castiel, it would take him straight to voicemail. Unable to reach Castiel, Dean called Balthazar. It was Balthazar who had to tell Dean that Castiel had landed two hours ago.

During the two days Castiel was away, Dean tried to desperately reach him. But he never made a connection each time. By the time it was Thursday, Dean was nervous. He was afraid that Castiel had gotten into an accident or was angry at him for some unknown reason. The moment Balthazar called saying he was at home already, Dean grabbed his keys and went to Castiel’s house.

Dean saw the lights were off, making him think Castiel was out. But he finds himself getting out of the car. He rifles through his keys, finding the key that opened Castiel’s door, something Balthazar had given to Dean. Dean makes his way inside, closing the door behind him gently. He hears noises coming from upstairs.

Castiel stumbles out of the bathroom, having taken a shower. He hears his name being called out and turns to find Dean at the bottom of the staircase. How the hell did he get inside? Balthazar. Castiel made a mental note to murder his cousin.

“Cas, I’ve been calling you since the day you left,” Dean says, staring up at Castiel. “Why didn’t you answer my calls?”

Castiel finds it hard to meet the other’s gaze and shifts his attention to the floor. He bites his bottom lip before he answers, “I didn’t find the time.”

Dean tsks as he shakes his head. “Bull,” Dean replies. “You had the time to answer Balthazar’s calls. Cas, what’s the matter?”

Castiel hesitates as he stares into Dean’s eyes. His expression wavers and he looks like he’s going to cry. “Fine,” Castiel finally says, voice hoarse. “Can’t you take a hint, Dean?”

“What?” Dean asks, confusion sinking in.

“I’m done. I can’t take you, Dean. You are the most annoying and selfish person I have ever met. And I can’t keep lying and pretending that we’re a happy couple. Because you know what? I realized that if you pick me at the end of the trial, I have to live with you. That’s the last thing I want,” Castiel explains, heart aching with each fable he fed Dean.

“Cas,” Dean says, unbelieving the other’s words.

“No, stop! You know what I can’t stand about you, Dean? Your loyalty to your brother. Sam has taken everything you wanted. And you let him. And you have the audacity to call him your brother after all he’s done. You should have let him stay with Ruby. He didn’t deserve Jess. Because of Sam, you had to sacrifice so much. And it’s not fair. But you know what sickens me the most? Your desperation to see the best out of people. You sacrifice your happiness and all else at the expense of everyone else’s,” Castiel continues. “And I can’t be with someone like that. I don’t need you. So, just go away and leave me alone. Go with Lisa and have loads of children. Have a family.”

Dean stares up at Castiel, chest hurting from the other’s response. So, this whole time was one sided? He couldn’t believe it. Dean didn’t want to believe it. He met Castiel’s gaze and realized it couldn’t be true. “Bull shit,” Dean finally answers. Dean makes his way up the stairs. “I don’t know who put you up to it. But I know exactly what you’re doing. And it’s not going to work, Cas. Because I know this for sure, you would never let someone have their way with you unless you didn’t feel the same way,” Dean explains, stopping before Castiel.

Castiel stares at Dean, taking a few steps back until he runs into the wall. His heart hammers in his ribcage as the other approaches. He didn’t buy the lie? Apart of him was grateful that he didn’t believe him, but the other part thought of Lisa.

“Dean, we can’t continue this any longer,” Castiel says, in a last minute effort.

“Why not?” he asks.

“Because the trial. Lisa,” Castiel answers weakly.

Dean shakes his head slowly. “I choose you, Cas. I’m going to call Lisa and talk about this with her because I can’t imagine being with another person other than you. Cas, between Lisa and I, there’s nothing there anymore. I just don’t feel the same about her anymore.”

Castiel avoids the other’s gaze. Dean tries to get Castiel’s attention but fails in doing so. “But you and Lisa would have a family, Dean,” Castiel answers.

Dean rolls his eyes, starting to get annoyed. “Sure, we would have a family. But if there’s no connection, then what’s the point of a family?” Dean answers, grabbing Castiel’s chin and forcing him to look at him.   
Dean sees the confusion in Castiel’s eyes. Why was he resisting him all of a sudden? Was he afraid? Dean didn’t understand it. But he wanted Castiel to understand. “Cas, I love you,” Dean says.

He said it. The words he had longed to hear all his life and his soulmate uttered them like it was easy in doing so. Castiel sighs softly as he meets Dean’s gaze.

Dean runs a hand across Castiel’s bottom lip before he leans in and kisses him. A tear rolls down from Castiel’s cheek as he wraps an arm around Dean’s neck.

 


	15. Chapter 15

**Chapter Fourteen**

**A Revelation In the Light of Day**

Castiel was lying on his bed, staring at the Winchester who was dozing beside him. Dean chose him over Lisa. Castiel still couldn’t believe it had happened. But it did. And now, all Castiel could feel was guilt and shame. Not even last night’s love making warmed his chilled heart. All Castiel could think about was Lisa. The face that she made when she pleaded Castiel to return Dean to her.

Castiel sighs as he plops himself into an upright position, crossing his legs. He looks at the sleeping Winchester, seeing how innocent his face appeared. Castiel smiles faintly as he brushes Dean’s hair. Once more, Lisa’s face appears in Castiel’s mind and he pulls his hand away from Dean. Castiel moves to the edge of the bed and sits there for a moment, looking for his clothes. Before Castiel gets off the bed, an arm wraps itself along his waist and Castiel’s forced back on the edge of the bed.

“Where’re you going?” Dean mumbles softly, resting his head against the crook of Castiel’s neck.

“I’m sorry. Did I wake you?” Castiel whispers.

“Sorta,” Dean murmurs. He leans in and whispers in Castiel’s ear, “Why’re we whispering?”

Despite his problems, Castiel couldn’t help but smile. “I haven’t got a clue,” he answers normally.

“So, where are you going?” Dean asks again, rubbing Castiel’s sides.

Castiel shudders as he felt the Winchester’s touch against his sides, knowing well that goosebumps were emerging. “I still have work,” Castiel answers, attempting to unwrap Dean’s arms.

Dean looks over at the alarm clock before he asks, “At four thirty in the morning?” Dean smacks away Castiel’s arms, keen on keeping his arms wrapped around the raven-haired man.

Was it that early? “Err, I still need to shower and get dressed,” Castiel replies.

“And showering takes you an hour and a half?” Dean counters, quirking a brow.

“Dean, just let me do what I have to do. If you’re still tired, go back to sleep,” Castiel answers.

“Someone’s a bit moody,” Dean says as he plops back down on the bed. A thought pops into Dean’s mind and he asks, “Cas, are you alright? I mean, from last night. I’m not sure if I hurt you in any way -”

“I’m fine,” Castiel interrupts, rising from the bed quickly and hurrying to the bathroom.

Dean quirks a brow in confusion, unsure what was upsetting Castiel. They had reconciled last night and everything was fine even after... Did Dean miss something from the time he was asleep until he woke up. The Winchester groans as he runs a hand through his hair. He wished Castiel would just tell him what was wrong instead of avoiding Dean.

Castiel made sure the bathroom door was locked behind him as he slumps against it. Why should he have to give Dean to Lisa? He has a right to him as well. Who was he kidding? Dean would get bored of him sooner than later. After all, he was boring and he wasn’t attractive compared to Lisa. So, what was he doing flaunting Lisa with a love that’ll never work? He was being selfish.

Dean lays on the bed for ten minutes before he gets up. He slips on his clothes from last night and goes downstairs. While Castiel was getting ready, Dean thought he should prepare Castiel breakfast. He roams around in the kitchen for a few minutes, trying to see what went where and where everything was. Once the Winchester had the idea, he began preparing Castiel breakfast.

Castiel wraps a towel around his waist before he uses another to dry off his hair. He opens the door, expecting Dean to still be lying on the bed. To his surprise, Dean wasn’t there. Was he bored of him already? Or did he really care about the sex only? The thought struck Castiel worse than any of his father’s blows. He places a hand on his eyes, trying to shake away the thought. He files through his drawers, finding his uniform, and he begins dressing into them. Castiel slings his tie over his shoulder as he walks down the stairs.

Immediately, he smelled bacon and eggs. He quirks a brow as he finds Dean, putting the eggs and bacon on two plates. As Castiel came into view, Dean smiles widely at him. He turns off the burner as he leans down to kiss Castiel’s cheek.

“I told you it didn’t take long to shower and dress,” he answers as he looks at the clock.

“Shut up,” Castiel murmurs, nudging the other gently. “What’s this for?” he asks, gesturing to the food.

“It’s for you,” Dean answers.

“I never eat in the mornings,” Castiel replies.

Dean winces as he turns to look at Castiel as if he had just been smacked. “No wonder you’re so bony.”

Castiel rolls his eyes. “I am not bony. You’re just tall and broad shouldered and overdone.”

Dean laughs as he stares at Castiel. “Someone’s sassy in the morning. I thought it was just Sam.”

Castiel smiles, knowing how Sam can be. Dean spots Castiel’s tie hanging off his shoulder and grabs the blue material. Castiel quirks a brow as the other begins tying Castiel’s tie.

As Dean tightens the knot carefully, he says, “Sorry, but it was kinda bothering me.”

Castiel meets Dean’s eyes and answers, “No, it’s...fine.”

“So, what time are you leaving?” Dean asks, letting go of Castiel’s tie.

“Five thirty,” Castiel replies, grabbing the plate Dean had just served.

“I can give you a ride, you know. It’s on the way to my office anyways,” Dean answers, grabbing his own plate.

“No, it’s fine. I’ll be asking too much from you,” Castiel says, sitting down.

“But you’re not the one asking. And I’m not really asking,” Dean replies, pulling up the chair beside Castiel.

“So, I don’t really have much of a choice?” Castiel asks.

“No, I don’t think you do,” Dean answers, smiling at the other.

****

Dean pulls up to the entrance of Roché Industries, and turns to look at Castiel. “So, this is it,” Dean answers. “That’ll be ten fifty.”  
Castiel nudges Dean’s arm playfully before he opens the door. Dean grabs Castiel’s arm and hauls him back inside.

“Now, where do you think you’re going without saying goodbye?” Dean asks, grinning at the other.

Castiel rolls his eyes before he answers, “I don’t like saying goodbye. When I think of goodbye, I think that it means you’re never going to see the person again.”

Dean stares down at Castiel before he nods in agreement. “Then what should I say to you?” he asks.

Castiel ponders for a moment before he says, “Come back soon or I’ll see you later. Anything but goodbye.”

Dean smiles as he leans down and pecks Castiel’s lips. “Come back soon then,” Dean answers, meeting the other’s gaze.

“Dean, what if someone sees?” Castiel asks, flushing brightly.

“Then let ‘em see. Why should we care what they think?” Dean replies.

“Well, they could know Lisa and -”

“Cas, how many times do I have to tell you that it’s over between Lisa and me?” Dean asks. “I’m not interested in her. And I’m going to call her in the afternoon and tell her -”

“No!” Castiel exclaims. “Please, don’t tell Lisa.”

“Cas, she has a right to know that it’s over. I mean, I already had sex with you. She has to know that I can’t be with you until I break it off with her. It’s between us only,” Dean answers.

“Please, not now. Please, Dean!” Castiel pleads, looking at Dean. “Just not now. Tell her on the day of the trial, please. The trial’s in less than a week now.”

“I’ll only be wasting her time and leading her on, Cas. I can’t do that to her. It’s not fair to her,” Dean replies.

“Please, Dean. Please, just do this for me,” Castiel begs.

Dean doesn’t understand what was wrong with Castiel, but this issue was bothering him to such an extreme. As much as Dean hated the idea of stalling his rejection, he nods. “Okay, Cas. I’ll tell her on the day of the trial. Okay? Breathe, breathe, Cas,” he answers.

Castiel nods slowly as he tries to compose himself. “Okay.” He opens the door and gets off, saying, “I’ll see you later.”

Dean watches as Castiel makes his way inside, worried what was upsetting Castiel so much. “Damn it,” he swears, turning to go.

Castiel checks in and slumps into his office. Dean was going to leave Lisa. For him? For someone of the likes of him? It wasn’t fair to Lisa. She wants a family and she can start one with Dean. Castiel, on the other hand, couldn’t provide children for Dean. All he could provide was be his lover. But there will be a time when Dean doesn’t want sex, but a family. And Castiel will have to watch Dean leave him because he can’t give him what he needs. At best, he will spend ten years with Dean before he leaves him. Castiel knew he had to give Dean to Lisa. It was for the best. For everyone. Despite what his heart and head both told him otherwise. He was fooling himself all this time, and Castiel only realized now that he was wasting Dean’s time. But still, Castiel wanted to be loved. For once in his life, he wanted to have something that’ll never leave him. And he thought Dean was that something.  

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Sorry it took long to write the chapter. It’s just that I’m actually social and outgoing this summer. I’m surprised. There’s one more chapter before the story ends, just so you all know.


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Final chapter. I hope you enjoy it. And if you have any questions, review.

**Chapter Fifteen**

**Love Is Not a Victory March**

The five days that remained until the trial expired blurred by, and soon, it was the day Dean had to choose. Sam was cooking an omelette for Dean, having invited his brother to celebrate his last day being single. Of course, the brothers had to keep the party clean because of the upcoming baby. Sam heard hurried footsteps approaching the kitchen, and he figures Dean’s throwing up already. He rolls his eyes, ignoring the noise until the steps stopped by the kitchen door.

“Sam!” Dean exclaims, face filled with worry.

Sam immediately scrunches up a brow and looks at his brother. “Dean, are you o- ?”

“He’s not answering his phone, Sam. It keeps going straight to voicemail,” Dean replies, entering the kitchen.

“Castiel?” he asks. “Dean, it’s six thirty in the morning. He’s probably -”

“Sam, it’s not like that. Not like him. He always answers when I call. Always. Something’s wrong,” Dean explains.

Sam’s silent for a moment before he questions, “What makes you sure something’s wrong?”

“Sam, when I woke up, the only thing I got from him was a text. The text said, ‘goodbye’,” Dean answers, searching for his jacket.

Sam snorts before he sees his brother’s expression. “Dean, you were texting him yesterday. He was probably just saying he had to go -”

“Damn it, Sam, you’re not listening,” Dean interrupts, finding his car keys. “Goodbye’s permanent to him. He’s leaving me!”

Sam blinks blankly as he stares at Dean. He sighs softly as he runs a hand through his hair. “Dean, maybe Cas realized that he doesn’t want to spend his time with you. I mean, why would he say goodbye if it meant he was leaving you?” Sam explains.

Dean gapes at his younger brother in disbelief. “Please, don’t tell me I’m hearing you right,” Dean replies. With Sam’s silent response, Dean continues, “You’re telling me to just forget about him? To quit before I can figure this out? Sam, I’m not just going to let him leave. I actually think I’m in love with him. And I’m not going to let him walk out of my life! Not again.”

Sam quirks a brow in confusion. Dean had let someone go? He shakes his head, unbelieving his brother’s words. “Dean, you have never let someone walk out of your life. At least, not when I was around.”

Dean stares at Sam as he shakes his head slowly. He can feel his lungs constrict, trying to keep him from telling Sam the truth. But the words came uttering out. “Sam, whether you believe it or not, but I loved Jess. I had always admired and cared about her. And you never bat an eye at her. Never. So when your watch was counting down at Soulmate Fountain, I realized Jess was there. I was giving up on my own soulmate and I decided that I was going to walk up and be her soulmate. But I looked over my shoulder, and I saw you. You were going to bump into Ruby. I led you to Jess, Sam. I gave her up...to you. And I’ve regretted it up until I met Cas. Don’t you dare say I should just let him walk out of my life,” Dean explains.

Sam’s mouth was agape as he heard Dean’s confession. Before the Winchester could even call his brother’s name, Dean had disappeared out the door.

Dean pulls out his phone and tries Castiel’s number once more. When it went straight to voicemail, Dean calls Balthazar.

“Where are you?” Balthazar asks. “And is Castiel with you?”

Dean grits his teeth as he grips the steering wheel tightly. “I was just going to ask you the same thing.” Dean makes a U-turn and drives away from Roché Industries.

“I haven’t seen Castiel. He didn’t show up for work yesterday,” Balthazar explains. “Dean, when are you coming here? Lisa’s already here.”

Dean huffs lightly as he answers, “Can you do something for me?”

“There’s something I thought I’d never hear -”

“I’m serious! This is serious,” Dean replies.

“Okay, okay, calm down.”

“I need you to check where Castiel is. Locate him using the tracker from the watch,” Dean says.

“You’re kidding, right? You do realize there’s a huge possibility that the watch has disappeared?” he asks.

“Just check! Please. Call me when you’ve found anything,” Dean answers, disconnecting the call.

Lisa turns her head around when she hears the door open. But her expression dies when she sees it’s only Balthazar. What was taking him so long? Suddenly, she hears her phone chirp and she stares at the text message.

Lisa, I’m sorry. But I can’t.

Balthazar notices Lisa’s expression and knows Dean’s made his choice. “Lisa, dear. If you come with me, I can get you another watch. It’ll find your second best choice of a soulmate,” Balthazar explains.

Lisa stares at him for a moment before she nods her head gently.

Dean’s driving but he doesn’t know where. He’s just wasting gas until he heard from Balthazar. When his phone rang, he answers immediately. “Well?” he questions.

“You’re lucky. Very lucky. There’s a pulse, just barely. He’s at the Wichita Airport,” Balthazar answers.

“Thank you, Balthazar,” Dean replies, removing the phone from his ear.

“Dean!”

“Yeah?” he asks, placing the phone back against his ear.

“He’s going to Illinois. The plane leaves in thirty minutes. Hurry,” Balthazar says.

Dean nods but realizes Balthazar couldn’t see him. “I will. Thank you,” he answers, disconnecting the call.

Once Dean arrived at the airport, he sees that he only has five minutes left. He rushes into the airport, looking for the flight departures. Once he finds the flight number, Dean looks for the exit. He sees a line of passenger, waiting to go passed the gates. Dean looks among the line, desperately trying to find Castiel. But the thought that he was already on the plane crossed Dean’s mind, causing his stomach to flop inside him. And then, he found him. He was wearing a dirty trench coat. Why was he wearing a trench coat? Dean couldn’t help contain a smile as he rushed towards Castiel.

“Cas!” he calls out.

Castiel hears his name and turns in the direction of the source. But he was met with a blow to the cheek before he saw who it was. He stumbled backwards, crashing onto the ground. He feels someone pull at his shirt, forcing him on his knees.

“You stupid son of a bitch!” Dean exclaims, shaking Castiel.

Security had grabbed Dean and forced him back. Castiel manages to get on his feet and says, “Stop! I know him. Please, let him go.”

Everyone’s staring at Dean before they turn their attention to Castiel. He manages a stiff smile, getting out of the line. When Castiel stops in front of Dean and stares at the guards, they had no choice but to let Dean go.

“Careful!” Dean grumbles as they manhandled him. He glares at the guards as he brushes off his jacket. He turns to stare at Castiel. He grabs Castiel’s wrist and drags him away from the line, ignoring the glares from the passengers. When they were away from everyone’s sight, Dean turns to stare down at Castiel. “You were leaving. You were going to leave me with just a goodbye?” Dean manages.

Castiel sighs softly as he averts Dean’s gaze. “Dean -”

“Look at me!” Dean exclaims, shaking Castiel to meet his gaze. “I don’t want to hear lies, Cas. Tell me the truth.”

Castiel finds the older Winchester’s stare penetrating but managed to keep hold of his gaze. “I’m sorry,” he finally utters. “But I don’t deserve someone like you. I’m annoying. I’m antisocial. And I’m broken. And I don’t want to drown you with my problems.”

“Cas, I don’t care that you’re broken! I don’t. I’d rather have you, all of you. I love you, Cas. And when I said it to you, I meant it. I thought that that was what you wanted. To not be lonely -”

“It is what I want,” Castiel answers.

“Then why?! Why were you going to leave?” Dean questions.

Castiel bites his bottom lip before he says, “I wanted you to be with Lisa.”

Dean sighs softly as he shakes his head. “Cas, we already went over this -”

“You talked and I listened. But now, it’s your turn to listen,” Castiel interrupts.

Dean stares at Castiel before he replies, “Go on, then. I’m listening.”

Castiel breathes for a few moments, trying to compose himself. “Dean, I can’t do anything for you if we stay together. I can’t give you a family. I can’t bear kids. I don’t have the bodily functions to do so,” he begins. “And I know you want kids. You love them. I’ve seen you around Gabriel’s kids. I can’t just stand there in ten years and watch you grow without becoming a father. The only thing I can provide you with is a romantic relationship. But that wouldn’t suffice later in life.”

Dean’s brows are scrunched together as he listened to Castiel. “You’re stupid, you know that. I mean, you’re already thinking of kids. We’re not even technically dating,” Dean answers with a grin.

“I’m serious, Dean!” Castiel exclaims angrily, punching the other on the arm.

“Okay, okay. I’m sorry,” Dean apologizes. “Listen, Cas. Sure, you can’t give me any kids. But we can always adopt or have a surrogate. I mean, who said the only option was to have a natural birth?” Dean clarifies.

Castiel gazes at Dean through tired eyes. “And you’ll be okay with that?” he asks.

Dean smiles as he nods. “Yeah. Why wouldn’t that be enough for me?”

Castiel attempts a weak smile as he looks down at his feet.

“Where did this all come up from? It seems so unlike you to have such a thought,” Dean asks.

“Lisa came to my house one day and told me,” Castiel confesses.

Dean nods slowly and looks back at Castiel. “So...truce?” Dean questions.

Castiel’s silent for a moment before he nods his head.

“I’m not going to wake up tomorrow and find you at the airport, am I?” he asks.

Castiel laughs before he shakes his head. “No,” he murmurs.

Dean wraps his arms around Castiel’s waist and says, “Good.” He leans down and kisses Castiel’s lips.

 

**A/N:**

**I’m currently debating if I should write a little epilogue. Anyways, I need help picking which story I should write next. As I said last time, all of these stories are destiel related. Some are longer than others.**

**I have been recently informed by a generous user that I shouldn’t write the details of these stories because of the risk of someone stealing the story. What I have instead done is written the titles/potential titles of the stories I wish to write. So based on these six titles, which title looks the most promising or interesting? Please, message me with your answer or write it in the review.**

**Option 1: Exordium**

**Option 2: The Secret of Dorm 401**

**Option 3: The Past Stains of Love Is Hard to Wash Away/A Forgotten Love**

**Option 4: The Memories I Forgot**

**Option 5: The Blue-Eyed Omega**

**Option 6: Never Let Me Go**

**Some notes on these options, options 1, 5, and 6 are working developments. I still need some details to make the storyline solid.**

  
  



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